Courage

How can we ever experience real love, if we let no one know who we really are?

My friend A said to me the other day, “I see all your flaws.  And I love each and every one.”  He says that, knowing we will never be together, for many reasons.  But he loves me, unconditionally, and I love him deeply for the good friend that he is.  This is because we have both showed up, we have both loved someone hard enough, and fallen, and gotten hurt beyond words, and gotten back up, and still not given up our ability to be vulnerable, to show up and be seen.

A is better at it than me.  I disappeared from him more than once, and he welcomed me back with open arms when I reached out.  Throughout this S thing, he has been steady, concerned about me.  From 2000 miles away, i felt more care and concern from him than I ever felt from S.  I can tell him anything, and he doesn’t judge, he acknowledges, and listens and offers advice if any is needed.

This is what I hope to find, when I begin dating again.  Someone with whom I can be myself, who never makes me doubt myself, or them, or their love, care and affection.  Someone who will be my rock.  Someone who can love the way I love, and for whom I will always be there too.  I will choose better next time.  A always says, “I hope you find someone who adores you.”  I wish the same for him.

Show up, be seen, get into the arena, get knocked down, get back up.  If you’re going to stand on the sidelines, like Brene says, I don’t want to hear from you.  I’ll be looking for someone whose intensity can match mine.

4 responses to “Courage

  1. I’m reading Rising Strong, about getting back up when you’ve been knocked out for the count. But I would say to read them In order, because each builds on the last. First, The Gifts of Imperfection, then Daring Greatly. Then Rising Strong.

    If you watch her TED talk on vulnerability, she really lays it out there. Big hugs..

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