I have realized that most of the anger I feel about S is anger at myself. The fact that his consciousness is at a level that allows him to lie to people and manipulate them to believe what isn’t true, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have seen it ages ago and removed myself from the hell that he was creating for me.  I did see it, but my ego liked being pulled back in, liked thinking he cared about me. When any fool could have seen it was only himself he cared about. 

He doesn’t know any better.  Doing the best he can, now and forever, means he’s someone I don’t want to spend time with anymore. I wish him well, I know he’s setting himself up, yet it’s his choice, his journey, and far far from what I want in a man. I see him. I don’t want him anymore. 

Loving him, I have no regrets about. He didn’t lie to me, or manipulate me until the end. And I knew it and saw it, and allowed myself to be pulled into the drama. Lesson learned. 

He’s now making a practice of lies and manipulation with her, and I will just disappear from his life.  I won’t be party to it. 

So, over and out. Tomorrow is a new day, and I’m open to whatever happens.  I really hope this time, if the letter S appears in my blog, it’s for someone else. There is no need to keep feeding the monster with this blog.