I’m having a good day. I am nowhere near the danger zone, for a pleasant change.  Got showered, and shaved, got my floors cleaned, watched Brene Brown in SuperSoulSunday, again. Made some buffalo chicken meatballs, and soon I’m going to my bff’s to just hang out and watch a movie. My son will be home for dinner.  It’s all good. 

Watching Brene again was so good for me. I was able to kind of gauge how far I’ve come since I first saw her the day after S dumped me. I got all different things from the interview today, partially because I’ve read the book. Partially because I’ve been doing the work necessary to get distance and perspective. The first time I just cried through it. I had her book on my kindle before the show was over. I knew I needed some help if I was going to “rise strong”. 

One of the mist important things I got this time was “for forgiveness to take place, something must die.”  

I couldn’t conceive of this the day after I was betrayed, of any part of it dying. I was holding on to it for dear life, like a runaway toboggan going downhill. 

Now I’ve realized that the intensity and passion with S has to die, for me to let go. Not the love, but the passion and intensity.  So, that’s where I am.  In the process of forgiving, letting go, opening my heart back up to the possibility of experiencing the passion and intensity with someone else.  It doesn’t feel like dread any more, it feels brave, and strong. I am excited to see what comes my way. 

I have not talked to A about visiting him again. It’s the elephant in the room. I have made up my mind that we won’t see each other. Not because I wouldn’t enjoy it, but holding on to it is like putting up an obstacle course for what j really want. I am so afraid to hurt him, yet he can’t really want it either, to be tied into a long distance committed relationship.  But right now, I’m not sure it wouldn’t hurt him, so in avoiding it. 

Life is good. I am happy today. And pleased that the day is going by easily. No waves rocking my boat. Just ripples calming my soul.