I slept well last night.  I woke at 12:30 though, which is not usual for me since I take Ambien almost every night.  But I did.  And as my eyes opened I reached for my phone, directed by ???  There was a missed call and voice mail from S, and a text message, not 10 minutes earlier. Geezus.

I tried to call him back, it was only 10 minutes, but there was no answer.  I read his text it said, “You confuse me.”  I asked why.

There was no answer.  But I didn’t care that there wasn’t,  I fell back to a sound sleep.  This morning, I simply said, “I’m glad I’m not blocked.”  He replied that I hadn’t been.

So….. he just didn’t respond to my texts or emails because?  Because he was messing with my head?  Yeah, I would say so.

He said he didn’t know what I was up to, but he didn’t trust me.  LOL.  I answered, well that’s exactly how I feel about you!”  I said,” I can see why you wouldn’t trust me.  I have lied and deceived you so much.  (Read caustic sarcasm.)  That’s projection on your part.  I have uncovered so much deception you are sure that I want vengeance.  But I would never ever want to put that kind of energy out into the world.”  I went on to say that at times I miss him very much, and far be it from me to keep that to myself.”  Not always, today I am fine.  Like the song says, “I ain’t missin’ you at all”.

He wanted to know if I still had my old computer, (so I guess he still reads my blog, because I had not said anything to him about it dying) but we didn’t pursue the conversation, because i was at an appointment.  I wonder why he asked.  I sent him another message asking why he asked.  He probably won’t answer.   Whatever.  It’s now his designated time with the Boop, lol, so I most likely won’t find out why he asked.

I am so not jealous any longer.  I am so glad not to be caught up in that fake relationship crap.  She has no idea.  But that’s her problem.  Whatever story she believes is her issue, and his.  Who would want to pretend to be in a relationship which involves a booty call once a week and no other communication?  Other than “Are we on (for sex) for Saturday?”  I called her his Saturday Night Special.  LOL.  But she’s apparently good with it too, so they keep the other side of the bed warm once a week.  I was never good with that, it was endless problems between us because I wanted more.

Just weird, from my perspective.

Ever since the gong bath, when I realized I need to turn the energy I’ve been expending into myself, and my own journey, I have begun feeling free.  If not for the text about his health, I would have been fine yesterday.  I don’t feel the need to see him again, today.  I will be glad if it stays that way.

Still, my ability to sense his energy reaching out is a little spooky.  I have some ideas on how to deal with it though, in talking to a couple fairly enlightened friends.

Rising, still rising.  Almost straight up today.