Did you hear that sigh of relief?  It was loud, and long.  Breathe in peace, breathe out all the negative bullshit that’s been crammed down your throat for months on end.  Breathe in the love of the universe, breathe out the pain and the anger and the hate.

The Boop left him a note with her key to his house, told him it’s all over and not to try to contact her.  He sent me a pic of it, I suppose as proof that he told her so I’d let it go.  She said there’s a thin line between love and hate and she’s standing on it.  I said, I’ve slipped off of it, into the hate side.  Smart woman.

She signed it “Boop”.  I guess he and I had the same nickname for her.  Or maybe it’s her name for herself.  Who cares.  I just thought it coincidental that I have been calling her what he called her apparently. I didn’t really mean it as a compliment, but maybe Betty Boop is not as mindless as I thought.

He called her to tell her last night.  He didn’t even have the nerve to talk to her face to face.  They had keys to each others houses, and he couldn’t face her.  I said, at least you disrespected us almost equally.  I got a text, she got a phone call.  Well, we both got rid of an asshole.

I am so happy to have this episode of my life done.  I am so glad to feel about S the way I felt about my ex when I left, out of love, out of everything. Devoid really, of emotion about him, except a little left over anger and a lot of disgust for the man he turned out to be.  I have beat myself up good, over falling for a man who would do this.  It is as low as low can be in my book.  But I stopped beating myself up.  He’s the asshole, he’s the one who lied and deceived and betrayed two women who loved him dearly.  I had courage.  I got knocked down.  I’m standing back up.  He has nothing but a useless ego.

He actually had the nerve to call me, twice, tonight.  It went to voicemail.  Thinks I don’t have the “guts” to talk to him.  NO asshole.  I don’t want to talk you.  It would make me sick to listen to you twist the fact that you lied to me every day since last April and to her.

Go be alone.  Make some use of the time. But leave me the fuck alone. S.

A has gone to his brother’s ranch to pick up his winters clothes, in South Texas.  He sends me picture of this ranch, with a cantina, and horses, and a firepit, a bunkhouse, it’s really beautifully done.  He just sent me some pics and a “goodnight sweetie”.  What a difference from the scumbag.  Too bad I can’t fall in love with him.

Tomorrow a new day will dawn, and I’ll be a little farther away from this stupid drama. A little more back to myself.  Trying to let the light into those wounds.