Thoughts come and go.
Remembering the pain
All through the summer
and into the fall.
Trying to understand
What was happening.
Never getting an answer that made sense.
Til two weeks ago.
Summer wasted
Waiting for you, and you were never going to be there.
You watched my pain
And reveled in it.
Played it,
like the guitar you gave her.
Used my pain,
Used my love,
Used my body
To make yourself feel good.
Anger rushes in
And then it rushes out.
I’m free.
No illusions
About who you were.
Or what you did.
Or what you were trying to do.
No illusions.
No pretty pictures.
No excuses.
Hard cold truth
Set me free.
Someone else can cry over you now
If there’s anyone left.
No illusions
Just hard cold truth.
The hard cold truth is far more beautiful
Than the sloppy, ugly, evil lies that poured out of your mouth.
No illusions.
Just freedom.
The truth has set me free.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
Ahhhhh, how I love this. Yes, the truth is painful, but it’s better than that awful stuckness, feeling something wrong, but never knowing.
It’s true what they say that the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off!
Here’s to freedom and answers! x
I made the mistake of reading a few old blogs last night, from when he first started to push me away because she was in his life. It so pissed me off, that he watched me writhing in pain day after day and wouldn’t tell me the truth. It renewed my dislike of him….it didn’t really hurt me again. It was just so in my face how much pain I was in then, and he just loved the fact that I loved him enough to cry over him. Over and over and over, I was trying to fit what he said to his actions, to justify what he was doing to me.
But like all thoughts about him now, they come and go. Thoughts of him don’t stick around long anymore. Thankfully. xoxo
Ahhh, but going back and reading old posts / messages can be hugely helpful. You’re looking at them with new eyes; at the time, you were at a disadvantage as only he knew the full situation, now you’re looking at it with all the information – it’s incredible what you see when you look back, isn’t it?!
Oh yeah, and it renewed my anger at him, viscerally for a while. I was actually able to see at what point he began to push me away, and was still having me over. I’m guessing they had begun to talk….whatever. It wasn’t anything new, it was just how much pain I was in and he could have ended it, but loved my adoration so much he refused, and just let me go on. Asshole. But then, that’s not news either. lol. Thank God for A last night. I didn’t tell him really that I was triggered, but he was just there for me, talked to me until late into the night. He’s such a blessing in my life.
Oh, I get it about the triggers…even this morning I remembered A(hole?!!) asking me the very week before he unceremoniously dumped me if I could handle a closer bond…..yep, triggered, angry, but thankful it fizzles out as quickly as it comes these days.
Oh yeah. Crap like that. Like Scott telling me in September that he’s so disappointed that I would think he’d jump into a relationship with her. After having sex with me. When he’d been with her for months. But like it says. “You gotta let that shit go. “. Yes. And I am letting it go