Today I went to see the movie “Joy” with some friends. I really liked it, and loved Jennifer Lawrence’s character. So strong and smart. She learned from every bad experience. She called people out when they needed to be called out. She did her homework.
Toward the end of the movie, the narrator said, “She would take anything, until she had to drop the hammer. And then she would drop it hard.” Or something to that effect.
God, that made me laugh!!!! That was ME!!!
My ex…refused to settle with me. Our divorce went on 4 years, he appealed the judge’s fair decision after a 3 day trial, and took it to the Supreme Court. Until then, I couldn’t get a dime of our joint estate, because it was all in his name. But there were times that I felt like I just kept taking and taking abuse from him until I just dropped the hammer. During our trial, I produced journals he knew nothing about. I had pictures he knew nothing about. And I had actual information about his business because I had done the books my whole life. I was not the stupid country girl he thought I was. His testimony was not credible at any point. Mine always was. He spent probably $125K trying to keep me from getting what was rightfully mine from a 32 year marriage. But I won. I dropped the hammer. (And he ended up paying the bulk of my legal fees too…..)
With Scott….well it’s obvious. I took and took and took what he was dishing out. He kept fucking with my head, my life, and I kept taking it. But finally, when he exceeded the limit of what I could take, when I found out he’d been with her all summer, and lied to both of us, bold faced, look-you-in-the-face lies, I dropped the hammer again. I did my research. I was not the naive stupid lovelorn woman he thought I was either. I found out the truth. I made him tell her, or I would. I will never forget calling him and saying, “Are you telling her? Becaue I have her number dialed on my phone pad and I’m going to call her if you don’t tell her.” And then I finished the job that I knew he would not do by sending her a letter which spelled it out for her. She may want him back, though I doubt it. But at least, if she does, she knows what she’s getting.
And I have no regrets about either man. They both made their bed, they both lie down in it tonight. If my ex had settled with me, he’d not be broke right now. If Scott had told me the truth, there would have been nothing to tell her. If either man hadn’t been so hell-bent on satisfying themselves instead of doing the right thing, they would both be where they want to be right now.
I, on the other hand, am. Right where I need to be. Without either one, and with a life rich with family and friends, looking forward to a retirement in a warmer climate, and knowing that somewhere there is a man my age that would be happy to have a smart, independent, fairly attractive, honest, and passionate woman.
Letting go has not been easy, but I knew I could do it. I know I can do it, I’ll keep it in the present tense.
And like Joy, if you fuck with me, you will get hammered. Period.