I’ve been writing so much in the mornings lately that I haven’t had time to do my meditation, and I think I’m feeling it. It’s such a good way to start the day, to become centered and grounded. To step back and just let myself be.
This morning seems to be full of promise. Letting out the “I Wonder” emotions last night seemed to be a clearing, cleansing experience, to put that energy out to the universe. He is who he is, I don’t think there will ever be a significant change, in his default setting. I’m sorry for him, that he feels the need to blame me, or anyone else, for the decisions he makes. And then to run away, to silence…IDK. It’s all the way it’s supposed to be though. It’s easier to move on when we don’t talk, and that’s what he wants me to do, apparently, and that’s what I want to do.
It’s all about trust, really. And the marble jar is empty. He put in a few marbles, and dumped them out. I think for me, I need to cap the jar and not even make it accessible. He’s not looking to build my trust, but the thing is…either you are trustworthy or not. Not with just me, but with everyone. And he’s not. He’s just not.
It’s good to see him as he is, it makes it easier to continue moving away from the old, into the life I want. In the words of Fleetwood Mac, (Silver Spring) “I began not to love you. Turn around and see me running. I’ll say I loved you years ago, Tell myself you never loved me, no….” Because I did, and he didn’t, and I’m running.
I hope she can run too, or at least walk. I don’t see a change ever happening. Because it has to happen across the board. He can’t recreate himself for her, and be someone else the rest of the time.
Life is good. Spring is 33 days away. 🙂 Gotta get my muffler fixed, now that my wiper blades work. Things to do, places to go, people to meet.