I went to a psychic again tonight.  It was a group reading, and I missed the gongs for it,  which was hard for me.  But I’d promised a friend I’d go.

My mom’s spirit came in, and it was pretty emotional for me.  I’d hoped she would.  I got some answers to some questions we’d had.  Mainly, why did she have to go through those last 18 months, where she couldn’t talk or read or write, and not even walk well.  I can’t imagine that life.  Yet, she did it.

My sis felt guilty for having prayed that she would live, because her quality of life was so poor.  I always said that she was there because she chose to be, because there was something else she wanted to do, or learn, before she went.  I know we have no control over it, I believe it’s a choice made at her soul level that we could never understand in human terms.

Speaking through the psychic, I came to understand that mom needed to learn to receive.  She was always giving, she hated, more than anything, to be a burden to someone. I’m sure this comes from growing up without a family of her own, living with various aunts and uncles through the Great Depression.  She always felt like a burden, although they were all good to her.  She cried one day with my sister, because she was such a burden to her.

The psychic said she used that time to reconcile difficult times of her life, to review her life.  And to learn to receive.  To learn to let others care for her, which my sister did an exemplary job of.

Mom wanted us to know how much she loved us.  I smiled, and looked up and said, “We know Mom. We know.”  My dad was with her.  🙂

Before she brought my mom in, she talked about the grieving process, and how Mother Mary was with me, and that I needed nurturing, and if I was grieving, I needed to let myself grieve.  To nurture myself.

Now, I didn’t feel I was grieving, but the spirits seemed to be telling her I was wearing a mask, hiding my grief.  That will have to settle.  I’m grieving my mom, but not in hiding about it.  I was grieving S, but I feel like I’m past it, just really past it in the last week, since my walk on the beach in Florida when I really let go of the last remnants of emotion that were hanging on.

But it ties into the last time I went, when I was told I needed to cut cords, and take care of myself.  That I need to love myself as much as I love others, and do what I need to do for myself.  That’s something I can believe. As a woman, everyone comes before us for a good part of our lives, if we marry, and have kids.  But really, I’ve been trying to take my life back, and do what I need.  Like move to Florida.  Like, eliminate the energy vampires from my life.

Funny though, there are so many spirits around in a group reading.  The connection that I have always had to S has been energetic, a soul connection, not a human one.  And I could feel him very strongly in there.  This connection has nothing to do with the man that he is.  I felt an energetic communication taking place for a bit with him.  No longing for him, none of the old human emotions. It was on another level, but confirmed in some way the connection I believe is still there, and always will be.  I don’t feel it as strong any more, except tonight, I think because I was in a room full of people, with the intention of talking to spirit.

Well, off to bed, I’m really tired tonight.  Lots of housework needs to get done tomorrow.  Going out with a friend tomorrow night.

Love and light, all.