Things are piling up lately.  Idk, I feel like maybe I’ve taken on more than I can handle, yet there is no other way to get where I want at the moment.

It started with the medium Friday night, and I was spinning all weekend. Up down up down. Connections, sometimes comforting, sometimes downright annoying. I have been up and down, angry, loving, hateful, sad, joyful and compassionate all within the span of an hour.

It’s not just that, that thing that has plagued me for almost 2 years, and which needs no more explanation from me. It is buying a house, when I’m not there. It’s an old house, remodeled. The inspections are coming in and I have some decisions to make, and things to weigh. Thank God for my sister and brother-in-law, because it is a lot to decide by myself. When I bought the house I currently live in, there were no hard decisions. It was built in 1988 and had a new roof, and furnace, and nothing needed fixing. The inspections came up very clean. But this is an old house, 90 years old, in Florida, a different climate, and different problems than we have up here in New England. I wish I had someone to talk to about things, like I said, thank God for my sis and brother-in-law. Hard to be by yourself making a move this big.

But you know, it’s crazy, negotiating by text and email about the house, discussing the inspections the same way.  I can’t talk about it on the phone because I haven’t told anyone at work what I’m up to.

Of course buying the house is only one end of the deal. I have to get this house ready to sell. The realtor is coming over next Wednesday. I have things to do here….clean the garage, she already said I need to deal with the arborvitae that are on either side of my garage and the other end of my house, they need cutting back. I have to find someone to come do a spring clean up of the yard, I just won’t have time.

Then there is work, where I have been flat out since I came back from vacation. Working long days every day, too tired to do anything when I get home.

I have to get enrolled in Medicare, because my 65^th bd is coming up. Even if I don’t take it yet, because I have company insurance, I need to enroll. So I have to meet with a guy about that tomorrow night.

Then my cat…Maggie. I think whatever was causing her bleeding a few months ago has manifested in her stomach. She’s sleeping under the bed, she can’t jump up on the bathroom counter to get a drink as she usually does every time I’m in there. I thought it was because she was eating more, and just gaining weight but I felt her stomach and there’s like a hard ball on the side of it. Not good. I need to get her to the vet. If they say what I think they will…well, I’ll have a hard decision to make.

So….I’m writing…after I got off the phone with the realtor about doing a mold inspection and extending the contract deadline for it, and renegotiating the price based on the work that the inspection shows needed doing.

And Easter. Maybe I should plan a nice meal for Easter? My bff and I always go out on Good Friday to the Polish market and get our easter kielbasa. Sometimes do some Easter shopping. It was more fun when the kids were small, we’d buy stuff to fill up their baskets. But they still love the baskets.

I guess the good thing is that all this stuff kind of buries the emotional ones tied to S farther down the list of things I feel like I need to deal with.  That’s all old news and really, only time and distance will fix that.  I can’t change anything around it. So, I just have to keep letting go.  Every day a little more.  The connection…well, it will always be.  That’s also something I can’t do anything about.  There will always be a place in my heart for him, for the man I knew.  Just put it there, and let it be.

A cool thing happened today though. My son loves the EDM music, the kind the dj’s create by mixing music. He had gone to a couple festivals and has been buying equipment to make his own mixes. He has been spending a lot of time doing it, I don’t pay much attention, I can’t hear it because he does it all in the basement, which is his space. He uploaded some of it to a site called Mixcloud or Dubstep…anyway, he got a notice from them today that his mix is 96^th on their list of most popular! His first one ever! He said the top ten are guys who make millions doing it. But I’m quite proud of him. He’s done this completely on his own. I love seeing him have some success following his passion. Makes my heart sing.

My plate is full, but my cup is also running over. I have a lot to deal with, I am blessed to have people in my life, and the ability to do all that I’m trying to do. It’s important to stay in the present moment with all this going on. So Hum. So Hum.

Love and light.