My kitty has taken a bad turn.  She has been laying low, and then, she’d come around her normal self.  But the last couple of days she’s been hiding out.  Since she’s a solitary cat anyway, I thought she’d just come around.  But then I didn’t see her for about 36 hours, and couldn’t find her.  Seriously, had my son looking in his laundry piles in the basement which is his room.  I still don’t know where she was.  I think there must be a way to get under the sectional from the back, because I looked behind it, and couldn’t find her.

Tonight I came home at about 7, and called her name.  I heard a weak cry, behind the sectional.  And there she was, laying flat on the floor.  She didn’t even raise her head.  I went back and got her.  I held her to me, against my chest for about 5 minutes, and she was crying plaintively, and her breathing was labored.

She’s dying….

I would have taken her to the vet tonight, but they are closed by the time I get home.  I am sure she has cancer, I can feel odd lumps all over her now. What ever was making her bleed a few months ago is back with a vengeance.  If she was a lap cat, I may have felt them before.  But she’s not. She rarely sits still with me for more than a minute or two.  Everyone else she runs from.  Even tonight, she tried to get away from me.  I got her an old pillow and put it in a chair that goes to my deck, in my dining room, because the floor is tile and easy to clean, and laid her on the pillow.  I just kept petting her and telling her I loved her….I keep going in to see her, to check on her, so she’ll know I’m around.  But I know she’s always been a loner, and will relax the most by herself.  However, I do know that I’m her human, I just hope she doesn’t suffer too much.

If she makes it through the night, I’ll take her to the vet tomorrow. I have my doubts that she will.  I’d almost rather she died here, in the house that she knows, with me around, rather than at the sterile vets, which she hates, and she hates the car.  I am sure she’s in pain, but I think the ride to the vets will kill her anyway.  I’m trying to make her as comfortable as I can.

So, I’m just trying to stay busy, trying not to spend the night crying but I think that’s a given.  She’s young, really only 8 1/2.  I had a cat that lived to be 19.

She’s been with me through so much, through the hardest days of my life.  I will miss her.  Guess she won’t be taking the trip to Florida with me.  I couldn’t figure out how I was ever going to make the trip with her.

I guess I’ll go sit with her for awhile.

Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulders.

Love and light.