At the end of the day it was over.
No more tears,
No more laughter.
No more late night
or early morning texts.
No more evenings on the deck telling secrets.
You couldn’t keep them anyway.
No more love in the afternoon,
No more standing on the shore looking for sundogs.
No more sitting at the point
Trying to figure out life.
No more contrived peace at the chapel.
No more rides in the car getting lost.
Lost in each other sometimes.
Nothing.
Nothing was left.
Gone with the setting sun,
Gone with the ebbing tide.
The lies
The deceptions
The twisting of the truth
All thrown in the water.
Let the moon drag them out to sea.
Let the sea wash them clean.
Let the sea wash me clean,
Clean of every thought of you.
Every dream,
Every memory.
Every hurt.
Every dirty little secret.
Let the sea wash me clean.
Let it take the tears I wasted,
Let it take the love I lavished
Wantonly,
Thoughtlessly,
Effortlessly,
And mix it with the one great thing
And heal me.
When one day
Your last fretful breath
Runs through me like an electric shock,
Because it will,
I won’t cry.
I won’t say goodbye.
I’ll remember your ice cold blue eyes,
and know they are.
I’ll just go on,
Go about my business.
No more than a momentary pause
To remember you
And who you are
And what you did.
I’ll just go on
Knowing you’ve already had more of me
Than you ever deserved.
I won’t visit your grave with flowers.
I won’t remember you fondly
For a second.
I’ll still wish that fate
Had been kinder to me
And left you out of my life.
I won’t cry for you.
I won’t kiss you goodbye.
I may dance, a little dance
For the other women who won’t be hurt again.
I may sigh a long sigh
Of relief
That you can’t hurt me again.
No, I won’t cry.
At the end of the day,
I’ll stand in the sunset
With gratitude
that you got no more of me.
No tears.
No sadness.
No nothing.
Nothing at all.
I won’t cry.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
This is so deep… so very deep… I would be afraid to swim in it. Healing is a beautiful thing, especially when it produces writing like this. Peace, my dear one.
Thanks Tre, it’s been a heavy day, kind of, finishing off old business. I think it’s done now. Maybe, finally, done.xoxo Hope your birthday was awesome!
It was all of that and more. I’m grateful and blessed.
Flesh it out. You’re getting there.
Love you girl. I’m working at it. xo
Love you too.
*hugs*
We’re all working at something. 🙂
Yes, the feeling of wanting to be clean again..wash it all away! Familiar feeling.
I think when you are swimming at the beach somewhere in Florida, a lot will wash away. I find that the sun and the ocean helps a lot with things like this. On my short vacation to Spain, it was like the narc was erased from my brain… I had only thoughts of the sun and the ocean in my head. Strange. Too bad it all came back to me again once I got back home. Lol.
Keep working, you are doing so well. Hugs!!
I am feeling freer than ever. No illusions, no niggles of longing, nothing. Just a sick man, and now that I really see it, I am so done. It feels good.
Sometimes it can help me, too, to think like that…. you know.. think of them as “sick”, like… can’t-be-cured-sick. It is a good way of looking at it. It means they probably can not change, even if they had some small wish to do so. Sometimes that thought has eased my anger a bit. (Well, he sort of has this incurable disease/disorder/whatever, so, I feel sorry for him, but I can’t deal with that). It also lets us off the hook, we don’t need to help them, we are not their psychologists who should help them in that way. Great to hear that you are working through it all. Hugs.
Well… I call him a sick fuck. That covers the whole spectrum. Lol n
Haha, I know that feeling! Lol.