Ok, I’m not that bad. I’d be afraid to bathe in it, too afraid the chocolate might get somewhere that would be too hard to wash away.  But, I do love chocolate. I mean, seriously, like so many other people, lol. When I go to Whole Foods, I have to go by their chocolate department, I call it the chocolate wall, and see what’s new and buy my favorite chocolate. Green and Black’s dark chocolate with crystallized ginger. Mmmm. So last Friday before the gongs, I ate there, and got two bars of that…but I bought a new bar, which was dark chocolate, lavender and sea salt. They had rose, too. And a couple more. I had to buy the lavender, and try it. It’s weird, but it’s good!

I went to a chocolate fair there once. Some common run of the mill things, like chocolate dipped fruit. Chocolate pizza, which was a total dessert, lol. Salmon (wild caught) sauteed with cocoa powder. That was delicious! Then a man handed my friend and I something on a stick, coated with chocolate. We asked, “What is it?” “Chocolate covered bacon.” !!!! And DAMN, that was really good!!!! You know how people say everything is better with bacon? Well, it’s really better with chocolate too, lol.

So, I’m sitting on my couch, in my jammies, after working a 10 hour day, short handed….eating some of my Green and Black’s (just 2 squares) and lavender sea salt dark chocolate (just one square). The day was crazy, but I managed to get through it with a smile on my face, not lose it once. Not when our rep from Canada couldn’t get something through customs and I had to call UPS customs, only to find out the rep needed to call his customer, which he would have known if he asked a few questions, lol. Not when my boss gave me personal stuff to do for him, while I was covering 3 desks. Not when my computer decided to change my printing parameters on some docs I needed and it took me 20 minutes to get them to print right. Not when someone came to me to find out where lunch was for the engineers in a meeting…..and no one had ordered it because it was supposed to be done by the girl who didn’t come to work. So I had to order it, set up the room…yada yada yada.

It must be because I know this won’t be my norm for much longer. I don’t have to look at endless years of being the one who takes care of everything, Just months…and hopefully not that many. It’s lovely, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And the view…where the light is…. Let’s just say, it’s motivating, it’s inspiring, and it’s relaxing.

I’ve been writing a lot of poetry lately, it seems. It feels different. It seems it’s coming from a place more distant, a place where I can stand back a bit and see more clearly. It doesn’t hurt, which is nice, but it’s real. I’ve allowed myself to describe the feelings, without the pain. Just telling the story. I hope there’s more, because it feels really good, a good place to be in. It also feels healing. It’s different for me, than pouring out the pain, or anger. Stronger. Wiser. Smarter.

I think it’s the right path to be on, for my move to Florida. I still think about him a lot, a real lot. But it’s more abstract, it’s tempered with reality now, who he is, what he does as a matter of practice. I was thinking today, how he once asked me (a long time ago) if we lived together would we have sex every day. LOL. But I thought today, OMG, live with him???!!!! He would have made me crazy to live with. So unhappy. So secretive. So needing his “space”. Always withholding. Taking, never giving. A bunch of silly rules that just dull everything. But it would have been his constant unhappiness that would have made me crazy. Blaming the women in his life, his father, his mother, whoever. Not feeling well, looking for sympathy. UGH. Funny how I can see it now. And not want it.

Well, anyway. Still rising strong, I guess. It’s all good. Chocolate rewards, lol.

Love and light.