Sitting at a lab, waiting to have blood drawn. All the other tests came back negative. There’s nothing wrong it seems. 

I felt better last night and got Chinese take-out in the way home for son and I. I got something fairly bland. With lots of veggies, I am craving veggies. Big mistake. Stomach is in an uproar this morning. 

But so far there’s nothing wrong. No virus, no bacterial infection. I hope and pray it’s not something worse.  I will pay all these labs out of pocket. I should have started Medicare May 1.  Too late now. 

Because I feel like a lot of it is stress, I am angry at the causes of my stress this morning. Wrote 2 angry haiku but didn’t publish. Don’t really want to put that energy out there. 

I keep asking God to breathe me. Maybe do the Ho’oponopono. Something positive. Really sick of not feeling well. And tired, very tired too, tho I’ve slept well with no help the last few nights.  

You know how FB is always bringing up old posts?  The one I saw this morning was about last year and I got very sick. My throat was so swollen I couldn’t swallow my meds. But it reminded me that the day before, S had met me at a park on the water and told me he wanted to be alone. Wasn’t going to Florida with me. It was the beginning of months of deception. 

How much easier the last year would have been had he Just told the truth? For me, for him, for her.  So unnecessary, all that cumulative pain. 

We talked and talked. I asked him if it was permanent or temporary. He said he didn’t know temporary was an option. I said, I’m not gonna run out and be looking, scott. You know how I feel about you. And when it was time to go home, he asked me to come over. We were about 10 miles from his house. After he’d just broken up with me. Talk about mixed signals. And I would have gone, but I didn’t feel well.  I said you just broke up with me. He said, but I like you so much when you’re like this. 

Because I didn’t get upset. I just talked. I had known something was up with him. Thought that now I knew. I wish I had really known. 

Thanks FB, for reminding me. 

Well on the road again. 

Love and light.