I was thinking about when he came to see me the day after my mother passed. How he’d been so sweet on the phone, how he’d said he wished he could just hold me. Crying, bereft, I just wanted to feel some close connection and I was so glad, after all those painful months when he deserted me, to have him close again.

Now I look back, I see that he was there for his own interest. That supporting me was only done to help him get what he wanted. What he could not get from her in all those months when he dedicated himself to her. But she couldn’t give him. He molded himself into what I needed that day, and got what he wanted. For the next 3 weeks, until he’d made her sufficiently jealous that maybe she’d try to give it to him.

He took from me. He gave me nothing. He took advantage of the fact that when I love, I give all I have.

I don’t love him now.

Maybe she figured it out. Maybe she didn’t. The vindictive evil part of me hopes no one ever gives it to him again. I know I was the only one who could, but that may have changed now. Regardless, it was all about him, his pleasure, and getting what he wanted. At someone’s expense, usually mine.

He’s a disgusting, evil man. I believe him now, when I hear those words from his own lips in my memory. It’s a choice he makes, like all the other evil men and women who have walked the earth. To leave the world a less beautiful place than it was when they got here. He does it pridefully. If it were otherwise, he would not do it, he would have chosen differently.

He is currently being eradicated from my life. He will not leave me less of a woman, a person, a child of God than I was. I will use the lessons he taught me to become more, and he can’t stop that. All he can do is watch me go, or close his blind eyes. He will be, in the end, just a wrong turn I took, from which I found my way back, to a richer fuller life than I ever had before, or would have had with, him.

I am free of the bonds with which he had my heart entangled.

Free……

Love and light, all.