The other day I said I thought it might be over with him. Done. I still think it might be. 

But laurel said she didn’t think so… I hope she’s wrong but I think she’s pretty intuitive. 

The reason I think it’s maybe done is not so much that he’s not trying to contact me, but that I’m not feeling anything from him. I meant, not like the times I knew he was gonna call for 2 days and then call, or knew he was gonna call me at night and he did.  Just not feeling he’s thinking of contacting me. It’s good. It’s been a blessing now. 2 1/2 weeks if his silence. 

But tonight on the way home from work I turned onto my street and was filled with dread that he might be in my driveway.  Happily he was not. But it was very akin to the phone call premonitions.  I blew it off, then, since he wasnt there. But then I was vacuuming, because I have a house showing tomorrow, and I had the same fear that I was going to look out the slider to the deck and find him out there smoking a cigarette. He always came in the house that way.  

It was momentary. Because he’s never shown up unannounced. Logically, I could blow it off.  But it was a little scary. I don’t want to deal with him.  And so often I know what he’s gonna do days before he does it. 

I hope it’s just fear in my subconscious, because this is his regular contact interval.  And not based in some vibe. The pendulums seem ambivalent. One said no, he want thinking about it. One said he was. 

All I can do is deal with what comes I guess, and not worry about it.