I remember 6 or 7 years ago reading Paulo Coelho’s book The Valkyries, which was about his own quest in the Mojave Desert for to meet his angel. It’s purported to be true, and I believe it is. He undertakes this journey with his wife. She was not into spiritual things, but of course he’s the author of The Alchemist which has sold 65 million copies world wide in 56 languages.

His wife was trying to get into this quest, because it was so important to him. One day they were walking and he told her to lift her gaze. He explained most people keep their gaze to only a few feet in front of them. He told her her world would expand if she lifted her gaze. So she did…..and after a little while she told him, “Paulo, my world has grown.”

Ever since I read that, I have tried to remember to lift my gaze. To see the world from a wider perspective. Somehow it allows me to be more forgiving, because what seems large when it is 3 or 4 feet away, and the only thing in your view, is so small and insignificant when you gain a wider, longer perspective. Suddenly you see that in the scope of things, it didn’t really matter.

All of a sudden I see a lot of things in my life are that way. In the grand scope of my life, my relationship with Scott was only 18 months, only 12 if I discount the time he shared himself with me and Betty. If I was 15, a year would be a lot of time. But I’m 65, and a year is not so much. I didn’t lose that much time, at least, to him.

How much of my heart I lost, well….I think it was a lot more than a year’s worth. Kind of like an overstuffed pillow. I packed years of loving into that one year, enough that now my heart is hard, like the pillow that the foam is so densely packed that there’s no softness left to it.

What can I do about it? I believe that love is forever….unconditional. So it’s not like I can empty it out and it will go away. I think all I can do is expand my heart, so I can fit more in it. And have a larger perspective, I think. More love has to be better, right? I think someone will come along and dwarf what is there for Scott. I hope. It’s my intention.

I need a larger perspective. I need to lift my gaze. I think a lot of us do.

Love and light. 🙂