I managed to sleep a few hours last night, enough to get through the day today. My head is still reeling from last nights ridiculousness.

I woke up this morning to about 15 voice mails from him, asking me to call. From being angry to trying to be nice, to trying to tell me he missed me too at times, back to being angry and sarcastic. I think he was getting drunker by the minute. Whatever. I deleted them, after listening to a sampling. Just wanted to determine if he was threatening me or not. I didn’t think he was, except maybe in the last one where he said I haven’t seen anything when it comes to his cold blue eyes yet. That was at almost midnight, I’m guessing he was pretty drunk when he left that one.

Whatever.

There will be no response from me. (So you can stop trying Scott.) He convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a mistake to have tried to contact him.

I gotta wonder why he didn’t just respond as a normal human being and just nicely ask me to leave him alone, as I did when he was leaving me all those cryptic messages, calling me in the middle of the night (luckily my phone was on silent). AT that time I just sent him an email asking him to stop, saying I don’t know what’s going on with you,but please stop, because it’s making me sicker than I already was, reminding me of all the betrayals I had had to live through with him.

I can only say that he loved the attention from me. He gets a rush out of someone still adoring him after he’s treated her like shit. He doesn’t understand love and forgiveness on any level.

Whatever. I won’t make the mistake again. I will be so glad to get moved to Florida. I tried so hard to end things with him on a positive note, and he just couldn’t. I know “saving face” is a big deal with him, and when the truth is on the page, that’s a difficult concept. Personally, “saving face” is bullshit to me. When you do wrong, like ignore someone’s kind and loving message to you, especially someone who you devastated on a grand scale, you only save face by correcting your actions, apologizing for your mistakes, and truly making an effort to change and not repeat the bad behavior. That’s character. It’s not my issue. I have to expunge him from my life, and let someone else deal with his need to “save face.”

This morning, I’m getting back to myself. I wanted to call my sister-in-law last night about the wedding, but couldn’t get my head into the right place, with all the drama. Hopefully, today will not have any drama, and I can call her tonight. I keep thinking that perhaps the reason my house isn’t selling is that the universe is giving my son, my ex and I this chance to reconcile. Not my ex and I, that would never happen, but it might be a good chance for my son and he to reconcile their relationship, before we all move. I’d like nothing better. So, maybe that’s why the house hasn’t sold yet. The universe always has a better idea, lol.

I wish Scott well, anyway, despite his brutal ugliness last night. As usual. As my friend Addie once said, “Who could possibly need prayers more?” Addie was a good man. I miss his undying love, even though I know if I messaged him, it would still be there.

Here’s hoping for a good day today. It’s beautiful outside, it’s cool. I will pick up the pieces of myself that got scattered last night and try to put them back together in a way that is consistent with the way I endeavor to live.

Love and light, everyone.