I decided to call my ex back on the way to work this morning. But it was futile, he didn’t answer. I was surprised that it went to voice mail though. He hasn’t had voice mail ever. At least, I don’t think so. He wouldn’t even set it up on his cell phone when he had a cell phone. He likes it better when no one can get in touch with him.

Maybe that’s changed. Maybe now that he’s been alone for 8 years, he’d like it if someone wanted to get in touch with him. I don’t know. But I left him a voice mail, and said I was on my way to work, I was calling him back, and he could try at work, though it might be difficult for me to talk there.

He didn’t try to call back. Last night it was so urgent that he needed me to call back right away. Today, he didn’t even try. Not that I care, I’m happier not talking to him, ever. But I try to keep the connection open, because he’s alone, because we have a son, even though he is one strange kind of father. I hate to cut off communication with anyone, which is probably my nemisis. I have cut it off but never with him. He cut it off with me for a long time, when my son lived with him. I guess that’s why I keep it open with most anyone. Because I know what it felt like to want to talk to my son, and have his father disallow any communication.

If someone is vile, and vulgar, and just out to hurt me, and upset me, and prove to themselves that I still care for them by seeing if they can hurt me still, then I’ll cut them off. Maybe not permanently, but until I feel safe, for sure. That may never happen, this time.

Anyway, my ex didn’t call back tonight either. A blessing really. He doesn’t get ugly, he gets non-sensical. Hard to follow. I usually end up holding my hands in my head, wondering how he arrived at the conclusions he arrives at.  Anyway, I know what he wanted.

I talked to my sister-in-law for a good long while tonight. First time in 5 years or so. We had a nice conversation. Her brother, my ex’s call was about the wedding she was sure. She said he’s obsessing over the wedding, calling her every day. I said, well, he’s not working. He’s got nothing else to think about. But I did express to her the hope that maybe my son and his dad would have an opportunity to talk if they both go to the wedding.

I texted my son today and asked him how was Las Vegas. He texted back, AMAZING HOLY XOW. I laughed my ass off. I thought XOW sounded much more amazing than COW. He just called me, and got me up-to-date. He’s having the time of his life. Really happy for him. Love hearing him having so much fun. So happy.

Lots of good stuff in the works. Looking forward to the gongs tomorrow, but that’s nothing new. Not setting any intentions, I don’t think. Just gonna go where I go.

And right now, I’m about to go to bed, lol. Love and light all.