The gong meditation tonight was exactly what I needed to end the week on a positive note. I said yesterday I was not setting any intentions tonight, but just would let it go where it would. That’s what I did.

Sometimes I set intentions to try to work through the things that are eating away at me. Tonight I didn’t want to think about them. I really truly just wanted to surrender them all to the universe to deal with as it saw fit, trusting that it would be for everyone’s highest good.

Too many things to even list have been on my mind lately. All of them out of my control. We are really in charge of so very little in our small little worlds. We can only control our reactions to things. I can stand in my story. It’s one of the few things I have control over, and I’m grateful for that ability. I’m grateful that I know what I want, and what I believe in.

So, surrender…..is where I wanted to go, and where I went. I remember the beginning of the meditation, the crystal bowls. I remember the gongs coming in low and quiet, increasing in depth as the crystal bowls faded. I remember a crescendo to a tsunami, and thinking, oh I wish it had been a little more intense. I remember another one, much more intense. A thunderstorm, simulated, wth a rain stick. Whale songs. I remember my hand being on the floor and it getting cold, and aching. I put it between the two small pillows under my head. I remember a cramp in my leg, and feeling like the soles of my feet were burning. I remember a bowl in an old fashioned rose floral pattern that both my mother and my mother-in-law had. But the bowl was chipped along the edges in a few places. I don’t remember what was in it, but I know there was something.

At the very end, Linda always plays a “Wing”. It’s like a xylophone, only with less keys, and it is in the key of D minor. I think. Anyway, I heard it playing and I thought, “Wow…already?” Usually they play drums for a bit right before it. It seemed like 15 minutes, 20 tops. It had been an hour and 20 minutes.

When it was over I was laying still on the floor, considering coming back but not wanting to. Then I heard Peter calling to someone, saying “Come back!” And people laughing. I hoped it was not me, again, lol. It was not, but it brought me back. I opened my eyes and everyone was sitting up, talking. A man next to me said to Peter, “you had a drum tsunami tonight”. Indicating a very intense drum playing session. Everyone was agreeing, and so were Peter and Linda.

I didn’t remember even hearing it. I was wondering if they’d even played the drums when the man said it. Pretty deep into the ethers. I felt disoriented, knowing I remembered nothing of it. Disoriented, but ok. I just had been somewhere else.

I was at peace. At least as much peace as I’ve had in awhile. People pulling at me, moving, expenses of two houses, my son moving. My son in Las Vegas.

Having a ball. I got a text today, a single text. It said, “I am not dead.” LMAO. Well…I asked him to let me know he was alive, lol. The festival started today, his girlfriend (I use that term loosely) flew in last night from Switzerland. He’s having the time of his life. He’s at his Woodstock.

I guess I accomplished what I wanted to tonight. To just find some inner peace. It’s a wonderful way to end the week. I walked out at about 9 pm and the almost full moon was shining in a sky with scattered puffy clouds, gilding the edges of them. The last rays of sunlight were turning the western sky pink and gold. It was about 7°5 or 80° and balmy. A perfect summer night. Good night to sit out on the deck talking, but I’m home alone. Though I may go sit in the moonlight for a few minutes before I go to bed. The actual full moon is Monday, along with the summer solstice, my favorite day, because it’s the longest day of the year. Peter is holding a sweat lodge Monday night in it’s honor. I wish I could go, but I have to work late. He probably won’t have another one til fall, it’s too hot in the summer.

Nice night. Feeling my tiny infinitesimal place in the universe is exactly where it should be.

Love and light, all.