I did some reblogging tonight. Just so many talented people putting out such incredible work. Work that touches my soul.
Still searching…
I was at lunch at the cove on the Connecticut River today, and had read a chapter or so in A Return to Love, and closed the book, put on some meditation music, and almost fell asleep, seriously, in about a half a minute. I woke and felt that S needed some reiki, and without even a 2nd thought, sent him some for a few minutes. It was already late and I needed to get back to work.
I didn’t even question what I was doing, it was like some pure emotion from somewhere down deep, that he was struggling. Let me make it clear that I had no way of knowing if I was right, whether or not he was, in fact, struggling. Nor did I question it when I felt it. It could just be an assumption on my part, whatever. Because it was not a conscious thought I tend to believe my intuition, but for all I really know, he could be just fine.
And after I kind of came back from whatever state I was in, I thought, well of course he’s struggling. He’s fucked up his life again.
It was kind of odd, I didn’t make a conscious decision to send it, but it was kind of like at my cousins last night. She is obsessed with her son’s emotional state, which from all appearances to any outsider is fine. But I lay in her chaise lounge for a few minutes after work, and sat up and said, “I think you need some reiki. Do you want me to give it to you for a little while?”
She said yes, and so I gave her reiki for about 15 minutes. Today she texted me and she was so much better….
If S doesn’t want it, he won’t get it….You have to be open to it to receive it. It’s not me messing with his energy, it’s just loving energy passing through, opening him up where he might be closed. If he wants it. Free will and all.
I admit I only sent it to S for about 5 minutes, because I had to go back to work, but also because my ego jumped in and said, wtf are you doing being nice to him, lol. Of course, I can silence that stuff…I will always try to be loving if possible. It’s that connection between us that instigated it. Whatever. If 5 minutes of reiki can help him think clearly, I’ll send it.
In unrelated news, I came onto WP tonight, and went on the reader (thus the reblogs…). The second post I saw was something entitled Oops…This is a copy and paste of the post…
Oops!
This is a post on a private site that you’re following, but not currently a member of. Please request membership to display these posts in Reader.
There was no link to request access, so I have no idea who it is or how to request access. Has anyone ever experienced this before? I only know of one site that is private, but I don’t think I’m a follower of it anyway. Just wondered whose site this was, and if I should be asking for access. So if anyone knows anything, let me know. I’ve never seen anything like this before, but if it’s not subdude2, I’d like to request access….
It’s been a good day, beautiful, busy. I’m in a pretty good place tonight. Looking forward to my date tomorrow, I hope it goes well. Hope he shows, lol. Have a lunch date Sunday too. Nice. 🙂 And going to the beach Saturday with my bff’s. Life is good….
Love and light all.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
As I read your blog posts, I relate to many of them. Being hurt, lost love, loving someone so hard that you don’t know how to stop well after they have forgotten. I want to say thank you. I started my blog to deal, anonymously, with my grieving heart (it’s been over a year), but seem to write about everything but. So thank you for giving me the courage to express myself. Because as I see now through your posts, grieving over the loss of a narcissistic asshole is a pretty common thing, and maybe I can help someone like you have unknowingly helped me.
Peace Love and Chicken Wings.
Thank you so much Kali. It is exactly for this purpose that I write, hoping always that it will help someone else. (Besides just trying to work things out for myself.). There are a bunch of us here, from all over the world. It’s good to know we are not alone. And, it’s possible to become strong enough to withstand the repeated attempts to keep us engaged, on any level. Write it, write it. It’s so therapeutic. I know it’s easy to fest yourself up over it, but truth is, all you did is love someone. That they are incapable is not a reflection of you. Big hugs to you. Thank you too, you made my day, knowing that my experience has helped you. 😄🌷🌺