All that angst last night….I guess it still comes in waves at times, much farther between than before. But I got through that wave, and the seas seem really calm today. The way I LOVE the sea, blue blue, and not a ripple on it.

I woke up singing Avalon of the Heart. By Van Morrison. It’s my mantra, it’s my place in Florida. Mythical magical place of healing and new beginnings.

Today, I don’t miss him. I don’t even love him today. I think about his ability to be cruel, and selfish and deceptive and I can’t find a redeeming quality that would make me want him. Not one. So what if he could make me laugh? Lots of people can make me laugh, it’s not that hard, and won’t try to balance it with ugliness the way he does.

Phew, I made it through.

I am so looking forward to going out tonight to this party. We used to throw a family bash on the lake when my son was young, and shoot lots of fireworks. It was our favorite holiday as a family. Even my ex could be a normal human being then, because he LOVED the fireworks. Then we’d all sit out on the lawn and watch the displays from all over the lake. Lord knows how people procured some of them, they seemed like the kind you’d see at a display. I remember one year our neighbor had some of those, huge ones with the loud report, and after the smoke cleared from the launch, people were yelling, “Yep, your dock is still there….” It will be fun.

I haven’t gotten feedback from yesterday’s house showing. I’m guessing because it’s a holiday weekend, they may have had somewhere to go immediately afterward. Or something. Maybe they’ll put it through today. It’s an app on my phone, they send me notices about the showings and I confirm them through the app, and then they post feedback after the appointment.

Such a gorgeous morning this morning. Low 60’s, and clear blue sky, no humidity. It feels so nice to sit on the deck at 6 am in my nightgown, feeling the cool air on my skin, and at the same time the warmth of the rising sun. Perfect day to feel joyful.

So I’ve posted this before, but feeling like I need to again. Avalon of the Heart, by Van Morrison.

Love and light.