Tonight is much better than this morning. I don’t know why I was in such a dark place this morning, but I was. I learned a long time ago that when I go there, I have to accept that’s where I am. In this dark hole, and I’ll be there until I can get out. I’m lucky, it never really takes me that long.
I went to lunch at the cove on the river. It was a beautiful, albeit very hot, day, in the 90’s. When I got there, I could see dark clouds on the horizon. I was reading Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love, about how betrayal is so difficult to overcome, because the knife you get in your back is put there by someone you completely trusted and felt safe with. The dark clouds started spitting rain, and I swear, I was spitting tears. I am so sick of re-covering this ground, over and over again. Plus the house, I want this house sold. I want to get away from here, from all these memories, from all the chaos that has been my life for the past year, and start fresh.
I sat in the car in the rain, just closed my eyes, let it come in the windows, and cool me off, cleansing rain. I needed it. I thought about my poem this morning, and just surrendered, because there is nothing else I can do. It’s amazing what happens when you really do that.
I got a request to show my house on Sunday, about an hour later. When I told my son, we made a date to go out to breakfast Sunday while they are here. I got three new blog followers, which while it may not be much, it’s a lot to me. The new girl I’m training was making me laugh. Tonight I had a nice long phone conversation with a good friend. And on the way home from work, I saw a rainbow.
Little things, little signs from the universe that my place here is secured, that life is progressing the way it should. Sometimes you just have to sit with your sadness. Acknowledge it. Let it be for a while. Then give it a hug, and tell it to go outside and play, you are done sulking because you’re alone, or your house won’t sell, or you have to go to work on an amazing summer day.
I have so much that I’m blessed with. So much. Like a nice cool bedroom where I’m about to go and call it a day. Love and light, all.