7 days ago the most recent of the myriad deceptions and lies about my relationship with Scott surfaced. They surfaced because a lie always gets spit back out by the universe. I’ve not had much to say about it, or him, or her since.
Because it was enough. Enough to make me not want to hear from him again. And to be honest, from her either. I know it gave her no pleasure to tell me, I asked, and she didn’t lie. As when she asked me, I didn’t. Scott’s the only one with a house of playing cards built on deception after deception.
I just need to leave it all behind me. I’ve as clear a picture of him as I will ever need. And of her. Personally, I still believe that he only thinks someone loves him if they are crying over him. I believe once that happens, he might be a good puppy on a leash for awhile. Until he needs to prove it to himself again
I never wanted a man in a leash. I did cry over him plenty. Now I just sit with the heartache that still shows up occasionally and wait for it to leave. If they are together or apart, is none of my business. I have my story, I can own it, stand in it, deal with the pain, and the triumph.
Do I still love him? Always. Always.
I don’t believe that relationships end, when you stop seeing each other. As A Course in Miracles teaches, relationships are eternal. I know that I’ve probably known him for 1000 lifetimes. I knew him, and loved him before we met. Because in this lifetime his path strays from mine, does not negate the energetic and spiritual connection we have.
I’m good with that. I don’t expect to hear from either of them, it would be only by voice mail from him. She could email me again. I don’t expect I would answer. She reminds me too much if his lies, his denial of me. I chose not to remind her that he only denied me to her. Never did he deny to me that there was something there. I also chose not to remind her that he also denied her to me, vehemently, many times. It’s who he is, what served his purpose. I remember always that he doesn’t really know who he is. And so chooses the way out that seems easy at the time, but creates only pain for everyone, including himself, in the long run.
We need to just let it all go. My heart is easy today. I think of him fondly. I see a lot of heartache ahead of him, unless and until he can come to terms with himself.
Love always, and all ways. It’s the easiest way for me.
Love and light.