I took my son out to breakfast. We decided on IHOP, for no special reason. They told us 15 minutes wait, and after 25 minutes, I went up and asked how much longer. I saw a lot of names crossed off after ours, on her list, and I said, we are at the top of this list…..and haven’t been called. She had had trouble spelling my name, Debbie, and crossed it out to rewrite it. And thought it was crossed off. Ok, it’s a pretty common name….. But she apologized profusely and sat us down promptly at the next available table. Where we then waited 30 minutes for our food. Oh well.

I wanted to talk to my son about the logistics of his move. He was in no mood today. Having issues with his girlfriend (and I use that term loosely) who is in Switzerland, he said, really serious, really mind boggled. I knew it was of no use to try to accomplish anything with him this morning, so I just told him we need to deal with the logistics of the move soon. Like when. Like where will we stay when we get there. Like does he want to just sell the furniture in his space and buy when he gets out there, or does he want to take it. Does he even want me to go with him? I think he does, want me to. But then we have the whole deal of where we will stay, if he’ll have a space, etc. etc. etc.

Meanwhile, I am dropping the price on my house by another $10K. Lots of lookers but no offers. I need an offer in before the summer is over. I think at the new price I have to get some offers. It is so below market value. I am losing a ton of money on it. But I need it sold. I need to cut my losses and run. If it’s not sold by winter, it won’t sell, and I’ll be stuck here for another winter. Which I just can’t even fathom.

So many things I want to leave behind here, meaning in this town, in this vicinity. So much drama, so much pain, so many unhappy memories. My house…I love this house. My son and I have been so happy here. I guess I have to look at the loss as the cost of being happy for 5 years. If I’d stayed at the condo I rented as transitional space while I got divorced, I’d still have all my money, and would have given a 30 day notice and left. But honestly, I’d never have been happy there. Not like I’ve been here. Both my son and I agreed that no matter what was going on in our external lives, we could walk in the door here and have peace. That’s worth a lot to me, after 40 years with an abuser. Peace there was always conditional on my ex’s unknown whims. He could wake up happy and come at you like a freight train 2 hours later, and you’d never know why, only that you’d better try to tow the line unless you wanted WWIII. The biggest issue in this house has been my relationship with Scott, because my son disliked it from the beginning. And after the prison whore, and then the gf fiasco, is intolerant of him. He dislikes me to even talk about him, he cannot understand. And I would not expect him to. He knows the man hurt me to the core, and that’s all he needs to know, to know he doesn’t want Scott in his life.

I have the afternoon to myself. Maybe I’ll make some blueberry muffins. Buffalo wings for dinner. Gonna do some reading. Some relaxing, since the house is immaculate.

Love and light, all.