I can’t stand watching the news any more. This world is so seriously fucked up. How can anyone, ever, justify what is going on? It’s just enough to make me cry. Geezus.
I’ve been so emotional, and written so many words trying to sort all those emotions out, and I thought tonight I’d just take a break from the words. So, sitting quietly, watching a movie. Didn’t have the computer in my lap, wasn’t reading or writing. Just trying to escape into the movie. “Laurel Canyon.” Pretty good movie.
Then my son texted me from work. He said it was so slow, he wrote a poem about how fucked up his life is lately. He sent it to me. It was pretty damn good! Really though, I love that he did it. I love that he wrote. He was always a gifted writer. He was not a kid who loved school, or excelled at academics. He was always the athlete. But…he was always in AP English, because he could write so well. I wanted him to go into sports journalism, but his father put it down, so that son never considered it. But I’m so happy to see him write. And to express himself so articulately about his recent break up. Like his mother, he was head over heels over the wrong girl. Got hurt, bad. Just like me. It was the 2nd go round with her. Just like me.
I told him, it’s just a lesson now. Don’t let it make you hard. He seems to be listening to me.
The other night, when I sold the house, it took me awhile to calm enough to put my thoughts in words. So I was sitting here late, an hour later than I am usually up, and he walked by me and said, “Are you still UP???” I said, “Yes, I am writing a poem and I have one more line, and I keep falling asleep. But I want to finish it.”
I don’t think he realized, or maybe just didn’t think about how serious I am about my writing, until I said that. And somehow, he got permission to express himself that way too. He also expresses himself through music. He loves this electronic music, and has spent money on equipment and mixes it himself in his room. He uploaded some of his music to a site, and made the top 100 listened to on the site. I am so happy he has found things he loves, that he has a passion for.
But I’m really happy to feel, that in just this small way, he has a passion for the things I do also. It will comfort me, when he’s 2000 miles away.
Tomorrow I’m going to the beach with my two best friends. We’re leaving early, going to spend the day. Today I talked to one of them, sitting in the parking lot at the store, for a half hour. Then I was in the store and her husband ran his cart into mine, lol. But we talked again. She’s the friend who volunteered to drive to FL with me. And he volunteered today to drive a U-haul so I don’t have to pay a movers. I mean, really, how friggin’ blessed am I to have friends like this?
It makes it harder to leave, because they are making it so easy for me. God I will miss these people.
Today I cooked. It was 90-something outside, so I stayed inside where the AC ws on. I made a huge bowl of chicken salad. So will have lunch and/or dinner leftovers for this week. I made brownies. I cut up a big bowl of fruit, pineapple, mango and strawberries. I’m taking the brownies and fruit to the beach.
I will take a rest from the words tomorrow. I can’t sort out the thoughts. I need the silence of the sea, the rhythmic waves, the small talk of my friends. I need to stop thinking about what I have to do, for awhile. I need to stop thinking about a past that cannot be changed. And a future that has yet to present itself. I need to remember how to be in the present moment.
So that’s the plan for tomorrow. For now, I’m going back to watching a movie, maybe fall asleep while I do. I will sleep like a baby tonight, I think. I think I’ve emptied myself out and dealt with a lot of stuff in the last 24 hours.
Love and light all…..