I thought about sending him a text tonight. Yes, HIM. I was channel surfing, and found Joe Buonamassa on public TV, a concert at The Royal Albert Hall in 2009. And it was instinctive. Text him and tell him….
Luckly, just as instinctively, I shut that thought down. Why? Would I do that, text him. Because I know he likes Joe Buonamassa. He used to say, he just liked to say his last name. Lol. But he liked his music, he liked the guitar playing. S played guitar at one time, and had one, maybe 2, I can’t remember. I asked him to play for me, but he wouldn’t.
Anyway it was what I refer to as a dolphin moment. When I was in Florida a couple years ago, and saw a dolphin in the wild the first person I wanted to tell was him. Because he’d get it. I’d been dating Addie, because S had just screwed the prison whore and I couldn’t get past it. But I loved him anyway, and I just wanted to tell him.
He loved having me want to tell him. He loved my pain at missing him, at loving him, at wanting him. Loved that it caused me pain when he did the prison whore. And truth be told he still loves it, if he feels it. Like I have said before, he doesn’t feel loved unless someone is crying over him. I’m not, anymore. These days, if he’s reading the blog still, he is feeling that I love him, will always love him but don’t want him anywhere near me. Even if he’s not reading the blog he knows that. I have no way of knowing if he is or isn’t. I write as if he is not, because I never wanted to be censored anyway.
Whatever. I’m happy I shut down that thought as it entered my mind. I just wish that the thought wouldn’t enter my mind. Hopefully a change of scene will change that, keep it from happening.
Today I went in the basement storage area to look at what needed to be shipped to FL. A guy was here giving me the estimate. I saw a huge puddle of water on the floor, by the ventilation system, and hot water tank. I had no idea what it was. FREAKED OUT. The inspection on my house is Monday!
I called my bff and told her I need to rent her husband, lol. He came over and figured out that it was so hot and humid that the condensation reservoir from the central air was not pumping out completely, and was over-flowing. Geezus. Yes, it’s been over 90 here and humid for days. He managed to fix it. My hero. It is drying up nicely down there.
Been a kind of crazy day.
Love and light….A
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
Yay and good for you for not texting the idiot who loved that anything caused you pain. I don’t usually use words like idiot, but in this case it fits. I remember missing someone (or two) who were bad for me, the divorce rebounds. I made lists of all the bad, stressful and unhealthy qualities those people had. Thank God I am not in either of those relationships. One thing that helped was to make lists of all their bad, stressful and unhealthy qualities. I also made lists of the qualities I wanted in a partner. It was much better being “alone” for five years, though I was never really alone. I focused on friendship and my relationship with God who loves me (and you) deeply and profoundly. I focused on loving myself. When I was ready, the best partner came into my life. You deserve to be valued and treated with respect. Don’t settle!
Oops I repeated myself.
That’s what I did for the first 5 ot 6 years. I had no desire to date, I just wanted to know who I was again, on my own, away from the power and control of my ex. I think there must have been a bit more that I was supposed to learn, so I fell in love with Scott. But now, I’m ready for the real thing, and I think I’ll find it where I’m going. Thanks so much.