Working Through a Little Angst

I’m a little anxious this morning. It’s around my son’s move. I suppose, around my move too, if I’m honest. So much to do between now and me sitting on the deck of Avalon with a glass of wine and my family and friends around me.

The drive out west is making me a little nervous. So far to go, in my son’s little car. So many days on the road, 3 ½ at the least. Driving 8 hours a day. IDK. It’s just a wave, I guess. Just a wave of anxiety, of anticipating the separation from this child of mine.

My girlfriends asked me how I was going to do it the other night. And I looked at them and said, “I have no idea. I’m going to be crying the whole way back to Connecticut.” To hug my son goodbye and leave him in a strange place……God I wish he was coming with me instead.

But he’s not. So, I suppose it’s another lesson I need to learn. Non-attachment. How to let him go, and fly. Which I’m doing. I have not objected to his plan, I have encouraged him, I have helped him as much as I can, and will always support him. But God, I will miss him.

Maybe it triggers me back to when I couldn’t communicate with him when he was living with his father. His father bought him a new cell phone, no one would give me the number, they turned off the ringers on the house phones. But even then, I was only a mile away and I could just go knock at the door and beg him to come out and just give me a hug.

Well, now I’ll be able to talk to him. I just won’t be able get a hug. Until he comes to see me. Which he will. He has already told me that a ton of his peeps from here are heading out to see him around Christmas. Which is fine, I’m glad, it’s giving him something to look forward to. He’ll come see me probably in March, when the weather in FL is so perfect and it’s still winter in Denver. I’ll spend Christmas with my sister, which will be wonderful.

I guess I’m just writing this out, trying to make my way through it, and relieve the angst I have for today anyway. I know it will all be wonderful in the end. He will have a new life he loves, I will have a new life I love. We will include each other as we always have.

Connections stretch across miles, and some don’t weaken. I know that the bond he and I have will always be strong, we have just endured too much together, we have grown so much together. I know I am blessed to have this relationship with him. In the end, there’s only love.

Love and light…..

6 responses to “Working Through a Little Angst

  1. Oh boy do I feel for you on this issue!! I should probably be saving up for the gobs of therapy I’ll surely need when my three sons start moving out, lol. I really struggle with things like that – endings, finality, etc. I’m thinking in your case, the fact that you’ll be busy and preoccupied with getting settled in when you move should help a lot. This way, you’re both moving on to new adventures.

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