Over-Whelmed A Little Today

Feeling overwhelmed today. Like, what the hell were I thinking to take on this project alone?

I missed sunrise this morning. Because my friend Pat called early, to tell me some news she had. I was happy for her, even if I think she’s latched onto a dream that most likely isn’t real. It makes her happy, so I just hope for the best for her.

I took my car to get fixed, because it’s been making a loud noise since I got to Florida. The garage guy thought I needed a whole new muffler, from the catalytic converter back. But he said, “I’m gonna send you somewhere else, where they can do it cheaper and better, it’s a muffler place run by a couple guys I know who do good work, and they’re close by.” He called them for me, and I went over, sick, thinking it was going to cost me a few $100 bucks. And I just had the muffler replaced in CT a couple years ago.

When I got to the muffler place they put it on the lift and turns out it was just a rusted out flange between the muffler and exhaust pipe. The muffler and pipes were ok. He replaced it in about 15 minutes for $60. Awesome! One problem solved relatively cheap.

While I was waiting for the garage to diagnose the problem, I called a handyman I found on Craig’s list, and made an appointment for him to come by later this afternoon and give me a price on putting up my mailbox, and fixing my gutter, and maybe straightening out my fence which is leaning over after the recent hurricane.

Then I went to home depot for Roach stuff. Lots to choose from down here. Then I went to look at their sheds, because I need one badly for my mower, garden tools, etc. They had one, for $599, which seemed like a good price. Except it’s $79 to deliver it, and they won’t put it up, nor recommend anyone to put it up. So that’s probably another couple hundred bucks. And, how do I find someone to put it up for me? It shouldn’t be so complicated. It sucks being a single retired woman.

While I was in the parking lot I called my dr back in CT and asked them to renew a prescription that was out of refills.

Came back home, had some lunch. Yogurt and a banana. Not real hungry. Stomach actually feeling upset. I was manhandling a big box that had big paintings in it, and it ended up banging into my big toenail that has fungi-nail, as a result of an accident when I was when I was a teenager. And the whole nail ripped off again. I just lost my other big toe nail about a month ago. So now, I have no big toe nails. Cripes. ffppppppppppppppppp

I’m trying to hang pictures. Just the family pictures. I know which wall I want to use. I laid them out on my bed. I need a couple of frames. So I’m tempted to go out to Family Dollar and get the frames I need so I can get them done.

I was looking at my stats on WP. I seem to be having a good day, more hits than normal, though not a ton. Anyway, there’s a stat that shows what people are reading. Not who’s reading it, just what was read. I don’t understand how people find old posts, over a year old in some cases, and why they would want to read them. I mean, who wants to read about someone’s heartbreak that’s a year old? Geezus. And how did they even find it? It just seems so random. But then again, the blogs can be found by just searching for certain terms. Still…idk. Sometimes I want to take the old ones down because they are old, old news. But then again, they recorded history for me, snapshots in time. So I leave them up. Just wish I understood.

Maybe that’s part of the overwhelmed-ness. Seeing what people are reading stirs up old stuff that I’d rather leave sleeping, and makes me miss my friends and my son. I’ve been alone for a long time, I am ok being alone most of the time. But this is hard, day after day, the life I lived just not existing any more. Plus I slept crappy last night, woke up a lot.

I’ll get through it. I am a survivor. I have no safety net, except my own center. Still, I wish I had a shoulder to lean on sometimes. I guess I just need to give it some time. I’ve only been here a week. Once I get done moving in, I can get involved in some community things and meet people.

I’m going to my sisters out on the island tomorrow to do my laundry, sweep up any bugs in her house, etc. I think I will just hang by her pool and read. I need an afternoon off from this. It’s cooled down this week some, it’s under 90, and a little drier. It will be nice by her pool Maybe I’ll spend the night there.

Then later this week I have to go price up a washer and dryer for my house.

Lists, lists, lists. My life for weeks now has been lists of things to do. Onward, the list isn’t getting any smaller while I write this. But I do feel better.

Love and light, everyone.Ov

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