Free to Love, or Not

I’ve been doing the Deepak Chopra/ Oprah Free 21 Day Meditation “Creating Peace from the inside out, The Power of Connection.” I think I have done all of the free 21 day meditations that they have put out over the last 5 years. I always get something out of them, always.

Today’s email with the link had this quote at the bottom by Thich Nhat Hanh.

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

Really, that says it all. That’s the ideal, to try to achieve, isn’t it?

We all crave connection.  It’s part of the human condition, we are hard-wired to want connection with other people.  How do we connect on a deep level, yet still allow that person to feel free?

Is it hard to do? Hmmmmm. Depends on if you hold onto petty jealousies, possessiveness, if you are a control freak, if you come from a place of fear, and lack. Then, yes…..it’s hard to wade through all that, and just let someone you love be free to live their life out as best they can.

If you come from a place of unconditional love, then, you want the people you love to be happy, right? Whether or not that includes you in their life. Whether their journey takes them far from you, or brings them to you.

Don’t we all want to be in a relationship with others that allows us to be our best selves? To encourage and empower our loved ones to find their own way? We throw so many complicated issues into the mix, and it’s really just simple. Love….real unconditional love, allows freedom.

In my life, my best example is that of my son. When I wanted to move to Florida, he chose to move 2000 miles away, to Colorado. Did I like that? No. Of course not. What normal mother wants her kids that far away? But did I try to lay the guilt on him, and make him feel responsible for my happiness? No. I encouraged him, and helped him to organize the move, and helped him to settle in, and have been there with him every step of the way, as he found his own way.

Do I miss him? Every damn day. Every minute. We are as close as ever, if not moreso. I’m proud of him and the way he is making his own way in the world, independent of me.

So it goes for other people I love. I want them to find their own happiness. I want them to choose to do the right thing. I don’t want someone with me out of obligation, or overwhelming guilt over something they did in the past, or fear of some kind. I want people in my life that freely chose to be there, and that I have freely chosen to have in my life.

Thich Nhat Hanh is such a wise man. I keep one of his books, maybe two, beside my bed. So that if my thinking begins to get small, and selfish, I can open to any page, and read, and regain my center.

Love. Unconditional love. It’s a goal. Not saying I achieve it all the time. But it is where I aim.

Love and light, all.

3 responses to “Free to Love, or Not

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