I keep writing updates, for a blog, and deleting it before I publish. It just seems so self indulgent. Who cares besides me?
I think the biggest thing now is that my heart is mine again. The S thing is in the past, I am so over it. I got so sick of the games he played, all along. It was about a month ago, I just got so sick of it, a wall went up. Kind of like the wall that went up when I found out my ex had $100k in the bank, and I didn’t even have a stove and oven that worked. Just a wall. Impenetrable.
It’s beginning to feel like that with Tom, the guy whose been messaging me. There’s no reason for us not to have met yet, or at least no reason for him not to explain what’s happening in his life that prevents us. Getting sick of that too. A nice man, an ex-firefighter messaged me and we’ve been talking and he already wants to set up a date to meet. I’m definitely going to, and let the thing with Tom just fade away. If he doesn’t want it to fade, it’s up to him. I’ve done what I can.
I don’t understand the game thing. It’s so childish. Why would someone in their 60’s still want to play? God, you’d think they’d be as tired of it as me. I will say as soon as I was really done with S, I started getting messages from a lot of different men, every day. I knew I needed to let go of that, to close that door completely, to get the next door open wide. My life down here is so good, and laid back, and happy. If someone can’t add to that, then they need to stay out of it. Not allowing the misery in, ever again.
Tonight is open mic, and I’m so looking forward to hanging out with my friends, having a glass of wine, relaxing. Life is meant for living, enjoying, loving. It’s going to be cool tonight, jeans and sweater weather. Should be a really nice night. I asked Tom to come, since last week he said he wished he was there with me. But no answer on that, as usual. Stupid games. Ignoring the question doesn’t negate it.
Onward. I’m glad I’m able to spot the gamers before I get my heart broken. It was a valuable lesson S taught me.
Love and light.