Never one to put off an unpleasant task, I sent Tim an email telling him I didn’t think I’d ever feel more than a friendship with him. As I was writing it, I realized that last night I had sent him, in reply to an email from him telling me what a great day we had, a heartfelt email saying that I felt he was trying too hard to impress me, to sweep me off my feet. Told him I didn’t want to be swept, that I only wanted to know who he was. I told him the day was so nice, it didn’t need to be perfect, (he wanted everything to happen just so). I was as kind and loving as I could be. I sent him a link to the Leonard Cohen song, Anthem. There is a crack in everything. Forget your perfect offering.
This morning’s email from him didn’t mention it. As if I’d never sent it. As if he’d not read it. Which only reinforced what I was feeling. That’s the kiss of death, to ignore me. To be non-responsive to a heartfelt communication. What justification is there for that?
It just tells me he doesn’t like, and avoids at all costs, the hard conversations.
Haven’t heard from him yet, but he often doesn’t check his email til the end of the day. Maybe I won’t hear. That would be the best.
Onward. Life is beautiful. Love and light….