On Giving Up Expectations

The storms came and went last night. The worst of them were north and south of me, some of them over my sister’s house on the island. I talked to her as they approached. She was unaware of the predicted severity, but most likely wouldn’t have done anything different. She was playing Scrabble, and had gotten out of the pool 15 minutes before because of the darkening sky. I assume they made it through unscathed, as I didn’t hear any reports of serious damage there. I was a little concerned about the tide for her, as she is on a narrow strip of land between two bodies of water. The water was coming up over some of the major highways for a bit. The whole frontal system was moving so fast, at about 60 mph they said, that it blew through very quickly. We had a huge downpour when the wind died, and then it was over.

I have been sleeping really well for a week now, without any sleep aids. Each morning when I awaken at about 5:30 or 6 I realize I slept through the night, maybe waking once but going right back to sleep. I honestly didn’t think it was possible for me to get back to this state. I have been hyper-vigilant for so many years. I’ve had so much conflicted energy and concerns and fears and lists which rolled around in my head and demanded my attention in the middle of the night.

I think the difference is that I’ve been letting go of all expectation. Today I have a lunch date, and that’s all I have. I won’t have more from it until I have more, but I am going to enjoy lunch and meeting someone new. This is how I’m cognizantly approaching most things in my life now, not to expect or even wish for more, just to enjoy what is before me.

I’m also happy to be waking at 6 or so again. I had been so often up in the night that I was sleeping til 7:30 often. I’m a morning person. Waking at 6 allows me to maybe make sunrise at the pier once in awhile, which I miss. I’ll be going to my sister’s tomorrow, and will try to get to sunrise there, where it’s only a short 3 minute walk to the town dock.

I’ve been on FB a lot since Friday, marveling at Cheetoman’s ability to ignore hard cold fact and spew lies. But yesterday I got tired of it. It’s always the same story, and I can only take so much of it before it gets old. I needed to refresh my psyche. I’m not saying it’s not important to stay vigilant and call him on his bs, just that it can’t be a full-time job. It’s just too much darkness, I needed to leave it for awhile.

So I made some jewelry for a couple of hours. It just did me wonders, to make something beautiful and to create. I also restrung an old necklace I’d made for my sister many years ago, which the clasp had broken on. I texted for a long time with a good friend while I was doing it. My workspace is in the corner of my living room, with two windows, and so has wonderful light. Especially when we are having normal Florida sunshine, which we had yesterday morning before the storms blew in. It was the first time I actually used the space as workspace, and I really enjoyed it. Playing my music, creating, talking to friends via text. I’m planning to make it a bigger part of my life. I didn’t take any pictures of the pendant I made, but I will, so I can get it up on my Etsy shop, and I’ll post a pic here. It’s a cabachon of blue lace agate, with bronze wire. I chose bronze because it compliments the brown imperfections in the stone, which is a powder blue.

Life has been peaceful, and rich and full lately. People are coming into my life rapidly, maybe leaving rapidly too, lol, we’ll see. But I’m content to think I’ve made new friends. This morning I am going to meet with the director of the Veterans Art Center so he can show me around, and give me a better idea of what they need from me in terms of being the treasurer. I think it’s just a matter of balancing the checkbook, and recording the receipts from the one debit card that they use. Just a spreadsheet, pretty simple.

I’m making a pot roast today in my crock pot to take to my sister’s tomorrow, so I guess I better go get started on that. Hope you all have a lovely day.

Love and light.

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