Going on a Retreat, of Sorts

Today I’m going to stay off of FB. At least try. Last night I had nightmares of being stalked, and controlled, and abused, and not being allowed to speak my mind. Trump triggers too much old stuff in me. It doesn’t help that I felt stalked myself in the last couple of days. I woke up exhausted.

Usually I have to look up my dreams on dreammoods.com to make sense of them. These dreams need no interpretation. tRump is an abusive sociopath, like the one I lived with for 40 years, on steroids. What was done to me tRump is trying to do on a massive scale to all of us. While I was able to recover, and move on, and create a new and beautiful life, I’m not sure that collectively our country will make it through this.

I have lived in the light now for almost 10 years. I have focused on healing, for me and for my son, from that nightmare of a marriage, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job. My son is also triggered by this man, though I’m not so sure that he understands why. But it is enough that he raises his voice against the hate and anger and negativity that tRump unleashes on us.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve written so much political stuff recently that while my views are up, the “likes” and comments on my stuff are way down. I need to get back to the things that people enjoy reading.

Today I’m going to try to spend the day in spiritual retreat, kind of. I have an interview with Marianne Williamson to listen to. She also has a live stream tonight, as she does every Tuesday, which is free. I need to get back to that focus, even in standing up to everything that’s happening. She is a fighter but comes at it from a standpoint of love, and I need to be coming from that place. I’m not good enough at it yet.

The tension of the last few days has caused my neck and back to tighten up again. I have an appointment for therapy today, thankfully. I am also going to walk another 2 miles today. That does me so much good, physically and emotionally. I will try to work on my jewelry too. That’s pretty therapeutic also.

Mostly, I have to try to surrender what’s going on in this country to the universe. I have no control, though I will continue to make my voice heard against the evil and negativity that’s being forced on us by a man with no conscience. But the outcome, I release to the universe, and will do my best to detach from it, and from the fear I have of what might be. The present moment is all I have, and I am very blessed in this moment, personally.

I got another text from L last night, as he was going to bed, which was nice. I still feel some trepidation about this relationship, but I also like him so much. As I said before, I’ll just reserve my thoughts for after we are able to spend more time together. He asked me if I’d noticed he took his pictures down off the dating site. I told him I hadn’t, because I’d disabled my profile. I think he was surprised, but perhaps in a good way. We’ll see. Just taking it one day at a time.

So here I sit, this morning, in my Florida bungalow watching the sun come up on another beautiful day here. I have friends, and family, and am safe. I have food in the fridge, and gas in my car. I am blessed indeed.

Love and light.

13 responses to “Going on a Retreat, of Sorts

  1. I am rarely on facebook, aka fakebook, lately – all the political stuff is just too much to handle. Trying to deal what is happening in this country is worrisome enough, social media is not helping.

    • I have found that the articles people share from lesser known news media has given me a broader perspective. But my problem is that perspective right now is so upsetting, so triggering to me. I need to retreat, and strengthen my center so I don’t become so frantic. So that’s what I’m doing today, that I may tomorrow )or another day) bring to the resistance positive energy, not terrified fearful energy. I know that we have to resist what is happening but I want to bring light to it, not more fear.

  2. I’m obviously going to be catching up in reverse, but am happy to hear about ‘L’…sounds interesting!

    Wishing your neck and back find some ease – funnily enough I’ve started suffering the same thing. Maybe it’s where we store our past hurts or something and where they sit before disappearing forever???? x

  3. I’ve become more selective when I get on FB. Instead of scrolling, I tend to look up specific people, like family. I miss stuff that way, but it helps me to avoid getting triggered by political mess as often. Take care and enjoy your retreat!

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