Trying to Stay in the Present Moment

I heard from L. A text, an invitation of sorts. I said “Any day but Tuesday works for me.”  He said he’d get back to me. I said, “Don’t wait too long, lol.”  Because it was a vague “I’d like to see you but it’s not all that important, so I haven’t put that much effort into it.”  At least that’s what it seemed to me. He’s had all weekend to come up with a plan, because we haven’t talked since Friday and only has a half-hearted plan. And it was a text, not a call. All a bit impersonal to me, considering the connection I know we both felt when he left here.

It is really whatever. I am really not pushing. When and if he gets back to me, I’ll see him if I don’t have anything else planned. He’s a good guy, but is he the one? I’m rethinking that. He’s a little too aloof at the moment.  And honestly, I would like a relationship with someone I see more often than once every week or 10 days. The aloofness, though,  just may be because my own energy was distracted for a few days. We will see if we get back to where we were. If we do, good, if we don’t, good. I surrender it all to the universe to direct as it sees fit.

I’m going to get the hibiscus out of the box today. The friend who gave it to me told me it’s a tree. It will go perfectly between my two living room windows. Lots of light there. Hopefully I can get it planted, if I’m able to dig in the ground. I hope they put planting instructions in the box. While I’m at it, I need to water my herbs and other plants. It’s been hot, and no rain now for about a week.

Then I think I’ll go over to the gallery at some point today and see if there’s anything that needs doing, to clean up, or put back together after Saturday. I would like to run into Chuck again, which just tells you how much I’ve backed off on Lou. I really did enjoy talking to him, and felt like if it was a different venue, where I wasn’t really working, that we would have talked for hours. Seeing him again, though. may or may not ever happen, which is ok too. But again…what will be will be. It’s not really going to be up to me. I realize I’m not driving this train.

My childhood friend came over yesterday and we just sat on the deck and drank some wine, and both fell asleep at some point, because we were both so spent from the grand opening Saturday. She got her laundry done here. It was nice to spend the day with someone who is basically like family.

I may go over to the island and see my sis one night this week. I could use a day by her pool, or at the beach. I know I’ll go next week, when my son is here. I haven’t spent the night there in a long time, because it’s been “company” season for both of us. When my friend from up north was here, and we were talking about endless company, and my sis said, about me, “well, Deb’s not really company. We finish the same pot of coffee in the morning, and we both know we need to do our own things.” Which is so true, we never trample on each other, we are in sync most of the time. It’s kind of amazing how alike we are after so many years apart.

I hope I can stay in this kind of mindful, in the present moment, mood I’ve been in for a couple of days. I’ve been able to breathe, and stop looking over my shoulder. So good not to have any of that stupid childish drama slipping back into my life. I hope the precautions I’ve set up to keep it out of my life are able to do that.

Love and light.

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