It’s been a bad day. I rarely have them, but I had one today. It started last night, and continued through the morning. It just got worse, with every passing minute. Bad news piled on bad realization. The need to tell people who needed to know some of the bad news, and then, in talking to them finding out more bad news.
So during a lull, I sat on the couch and cried. And cried. I did a meditation. It was good. I stayed focused on it. I stopped crying. At least for a moment. Then I had to talk to more people. Some I chose to talk to. Some were hassling me, trying to get me to focus on them, on their little share of all the bad news.
I put the phone on silent, and made the calls I had to make. I called some friends, some family. I was buoyed by their support. I remembered that my life here, my everyday, ordinary life is good. It’s wonderful. Thank God. But sometimes….we all have those sometimes days….there is just too much for one person to deal with. And I was, essentially, despite all the phone calls, alone.
I took a walk, down by the water. It helped. But not as much as it could have, because there were more calls, calls piled on calls. The calls were divine intervention, some of them. People I know and love for a long time who could talk to me about the issues, because they had some real life knowledge about them. Like a blessing, the universe put the people in my path that I needed today. And family too.
What I found out is that some of them are dealing with their own real shit, and we were able to support each other. Real friends, who are there for you, and who know you’ll be there for them.
About 2:30 I realized in the middle of my walk that I was hungry, and I hadn’t eaten yet today, and I needed to get home and eat.
Which I just did. I ate, drank some water, and put on a Netflix series I’ve been watching just to take my mind off of everything for awhile. My little sis said, “Do you have anything to make a Bloody Mary with?” Joking, of course. She knows better. Right now I think I’d be sick.
I apologize for the cryptic-ness of this post. I may be able to write about some of it sometime. It’s kind of like putting it on paper gives it form, and I’m not ready to do that publicly yet. No one died. Just some things happened, that are beyond my ability to comprehend, and to assimilate. I’m letting them percolate through my psyche. Staying in the moment, which is enough. I’m glad I’ve done the work I have in the last many years.
I’ll be fine. I know that, for a fact, I will be fine. And I pray everyone else will be too. My constant prayer for everyone: “Please, God, watch over them and keep them safe.”
Love and light.
One of the good things about getting older is knowing that when awful things happen, we can take care of ourselves and that we will be fine, or at least okay, eventually. But it’s still hard as hell sometimes. Sending love and light to you and those you love.
Thanks so much JoAnna. It’s been really crazy. I’ll probably put at least part of it into words in a day or two. Right now, just breathing. 💙🌷❤️