Day 3.

He’s been admitted, he’s an inpatient now at the hospital. This is the psych ward of the regular hospital.

So he’ll be there for awhile anyway, which is good news.

This morning they put me in touch with the social worker assigned to him, so I finally got to talk to someone who knows something. He called me again twice this morning, and I didn’t take the calls. She (social worker) said that’s fine, I don’t have to. He told her I’d been in CT, with my son, that the 3 of us had spent a week together and everything was great and then I went back to FL without telling him. I assured her none of it was true. I gave her a bit more of his delusional history. She said he doesn’t realize you’re divorced, and listed only my son and I as contact people. I gave her his sisters name and number.

I called my bff who works with the mentally ill at the state mental hospital. She went to see him on her lunch hour. He recognized her, but that was the extent of his reality. She said he has 0, ZERO, connection to reality. He has something called “flight of ideas” and switches instantaneously from one delusion to the next. He told her that my son was on his way to see him today. She also is upset that they are talking about releasing him at some point, as am I, because as she says, “Where? Where are they gonna release him to? He’s having paranoid delusions, he’s refusing all medication, he thinks there’s a conspiracy and they are trying to poison him. And how can they know he’s not a threat to anyone?” It’s terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

The therapist finally called me back and made an appt to talk on the phone next Monday. I guess that’s not bad, though I really hoped we would talk today. I feel better though, knowing it’s ok that I don’t answer his calls. However, when the social worker called me originally, she called from the same outgoing only number that he calls from. So I don’t want to block it, but I will let it go to voice mail and call her back if she leaves a vm.

I called my atty’s office up in CT, because I want to find out if my son will have any issues legally with any of this, since I would assume that he is actually next of kin, probably before his sister. Like…he owns 3 cars, etc. And how will his rent get paid while he’s in the hospital. Just some clarification. The receptionist was out to lunch and my atty is traveling at the moment. I’ll leave a message with the receptionist when I can reach her.

I’m about to go for a walk by the water. Needing to get out of the house. Needing to get centered, and grounded again. Lots of stuff on my mind this morning, like what did I do, or what do I need to change about myself, to stop attracting men with such difficult issues. I can’t reconcile it at the moment, but I guess that’s a convo for the therapist. I always thought if I loved someone enough they’d feel it, but if they don’t know their own worth, the love I give them isn’t going to help them. And I think I’ve wanted to have it finally appreciated by them. Funny, now my ex hallucinates about a happy life with my son and I. The other man is still wrapped up in his own misery. And it all fucks my head all up.

Well, here’s to some clarity. It’s a beautiful day here, around 75, and sunny. The ocean always calms me and clears my head, so I’m headed there for awhile. Then I’ll try to come back and call the psychiatrist again.

Wishing love and light to everyone. Including myself, lol.