I Don’t, Any More

Tears, bitter and sweet,
Fall into my lap
Making my hands too slippery to grasp
Anything.

The things I wanted to hold onto
Slide through my fingertips,
The things I never wanted found me anyway
Scarring me as they slide away from my feeble grip
Leaving me afraid and bleeding,
With only tears now to heal them.

I loved you, ’tis true.
And still.
But it’s a void, vacant for me,
There is no ying to my yang.
No joy to my sorrow,
No sorrow to my joy.
It’s a lonely place
Loving someone who can’t.

There was hope,
For a brief moment.
It was all I had, but it was enough
For that moment.
Then it was gone
In a terrible, terrifying instant.
I can’t even fathom why I had it at all
Considering our history,
Passionate and cold
Ending every time before it could really begin.
But I did.
Suffice to say,
I did.

I don’t any more.

By Deborah E. Dayen

7 responses to “I Don’t, Any More

  1. “It’s a lonely place
    Loving someone who can’t.

    There was hope,
    For a brief moment.
    It was all I had, but it was enough
    For that moment.
    Then it was gone”

    Clarity. This… I think this is my new favorite by you, Deb.

  2. WoW “I don’t know what to make of this. Was it really a terrible terrifying instant?
    The things that have made me feel that way were always figments of my imagination, never real but some how I made them so big in my mind that they became hard to deal with.
    But now I am free of my own worst fears. I am also ashamed I ever feared them. But the good news is I will never fear the unreal again. Nor will I carry fear to call it into action, so I can be so pathetic again.
    Passionate and cold
    They do not run together
    Fear and losses do

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