Ready for a Vacation

I talked to the therapist this morning. One thing she suggested was that I get to an Al-Anon meeting. And truth be told, lots of people have suggested it. I found one that’s not too far from me on Thursday and I may go. Not sure how much good it will do me, but I’m guessing it’s worth a try.

I’ve been still dealing with my ex on the perimeter. Today I got another email from an old neighbor, giving me some information, which I should pass along to the social worker and psychiatrist at the hospital. It feels unfair that I am the one having to deal with these issues, but it is what it is. Marianne Williamson said in The Return to Love that a relationship doesn’t end just because the two people are not physically together. Although this was not news to me, I am seeing first hand how utterly true it is in ways we never expect. I always had that relationship with S, that we communicated in other ways when we were not talking for months at a time. I never had it with my ex, but here it is.

I realized today that none of the events of last weekend are things I’ll “get over” and forget about. I’ll adjust, like when you lose a loved one. I’ll get used to them. I won’t “get over” any of it. There are lessons to be learned, and I’ll just have to follow them to their natural conclusions and see what sifts out to be a life lesson.

I really would, Universe, appreciate some lessons that are not so hard. I’m so ready for easy. I suppose that’s not how it works. I suppose each lesson learned sets you up to deal with a harder and more complex lesson next. But ugh. I am ready for summer vacation, you know?

Onward. Love and light, all.

11 responses to “Ready for a Vacation

  1. I cannot remember who said this quote I’ll mention in response to this:
    “I really would, Universe, appreciate some lessons that are not so hard. I’m so ready for easy”

    “If life were easy, we wouldn’t be living.”

    You’re strong enough to handle all that’s coming your way. I’ve watched you so so for the last year and a half. Good luck on your continued journey, Deb. *big hugs*

  2. Alanon helped me focus on taking care of myself when I was in a relationship with a delusional alcoholic. I’ve been thinking about going back to deal with remnants of codependency that have surfaced lately. Your challenges will not last at this intensity. Easy times will return.

    • You’re right, I know they won’t. I am working at detaching from the chaos, and being very mindful of how much I allow myself to be involved with any of it. Thanks for your support, for letting me know you’ve been there too. It’s more than helpful to know I’m not alone in these challenges.

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