Dan and I had a discussion this morning about whether or not judgment is a good thing or not. I have tried to be non-judgmental, because I thought I was being noble, or compassionate, or something. Really, though, who is non-judgmental? When someone behaves in a way that hurts us, or embarasses us, or disregards us, don’t we have a right to judge the actions? At least to the point of being able to make choices for ourselves?
I had that happen to me recently. Someone told me something they believed to be true, to be acceptable behavior, and it affected me. As non-judgmental as I try to be, in this case, I judged it to be unacceptable behavior. I told this person that he had every right to live his life that way if that’s what he believed, but that I wanted no part of anyone whose adopted this belief. I judged the merit of his beliefs, and of his actions, in order to make a choice for myself as to what I would allow into my life.
So, really, isn’t it ok to be judgmental? Don’t we, in fact, HAVE to be, in order to allow our lives to progress as we want them to?
To go back to an older blog, isn’t not judging someone for something that is hurtful to you, or even to them, stealing their pain? Isn’t that helping them to not be accountable for their actions? Does that mean that to judge someone is helpful to them?
I don’t know if judging someone for their actions, or beliefs, or for anything, is helpful to them. That might be going too far, giving our judgment too much power. But I know it’s helpful to us, as individuals who want to determine the path our lives will take. It can be a small thing, or a big thing. I just get to make a choice as to whether or not it’s my thing.
Love and light.
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I often wonder this, as I try to control my own judgmental tendencies. Sometimes, those tendencies are wrong but sometimes, they are my instincts telling me something. I think it comes down to a balancing game- realizing when we are being cruel and when we are making a decision that is important for us.
Very well put. Yes, I think we can be judgmental to direct our own lives, but not with ill intent. It’s s juggling act at times. Thanks for reading and commenting.
The word, judgemental, seems to have a negative connotation, like it’s a trait or tendency someone has. But judging (or discerning?) in order to take care of ourselves is important. I often talk these judgments over with my spouse but rarely share them with others. I like the way you explained your point. People can live however they choose as long as they don’t hurt anyone, and I’m no longer willing to be around behaviors that are harmful to me.
Well spoken! Thanks so much JoAnna! We are in the same page. 😊
🙂