I am unable to write today, really. I can’t seem to settle on a topic. I am not discontent. I think I am gliding on the surface, carried by a love that sustains me. There’s been too much stuff going on for the last few days, and there are still days to come of dealing with it. Right now, I cannot say where I am with any of it. Nor do I want to go off on all the possibilities of how any of it could work out.
I have an ex-husband who has completely dissociated from reality. I have a beautiful, young niece who has undergone a radical surgery to rid her body of cancer. These two things weigh heavily on me.
My ex, only because I will have to play a part in settling his affairs. I am irritated this morning at my old neighbor. I asked her for ex’s landlord’s number, so I can make arrangements to get his stuff out of the cottage. (This would be my sister-in-law’s job, but seeing as how she’s dealing with a very sick child, I don’t want to add to her burden.) The neighbor answered me and asked me to call her, but declined to give me the number of the landlord. She wants to gossip about him. I don’t want to talk about him, or his illness. I just want the number. I want to stay focused on what has to be done, and not get caught up in thoughts about what he did to get where he is. But I guess I have to call her. I’m trying not to waste energy getting angry about it.
My niece, who is my god-daughter as well, because I love her. Her struggle breaks my heart. It’s pure and simple.
So, here I am writing about why I can’t write, lol. And I thank God every day for the man who can pick me up and carry me when I lose my way, and set me back down when I find it. To be loved by him is such a blessing.
Love and light to all.
Can we have a new button installed? It should be called “half like-half hate”. I like the strength and compassion you show for your loved ones. I hate that it is necessary.
On a different subject, that guy you speak of. If I were you, I would not wait to be picked up. Just jump on that horse when ever you need a lift, and ride him to the finish line.
Take a horses word for it Waterwoman. Cars need to be driven and horses need to be ridden.
Well some times I can’t jump. So he gives me a leg up, and if necessary, guides the horse where I need to go. 😊
I’m sorry for what you are going through. You show true strength and love though and those things will care you through it all, even if it feels like you’re glass that might shatter at any moment.
Thanks so much. I am blessed with good peeps in my life. I’ll be fine, and I’ll know that’ my ex will be safe.
Saying a prayer for your niece and family. I hope the writing helped.
Thanks so much JoAnna. It looks like I have a trip to CT coming up soon, to deal with it all. The writing saves my life….
I admire that you want to help your family, otherwise I’d ask, Do you really have to go?, but I know it’s coming from a good place and that you will take care of yourself in the process.
Yeah, I have to go. It’s in my best interest. I wrote a post about it today, that kind of explains. But it will be fun, in the end. When I’m done with the crappy part, I’ll be able to see all my friends up there, and Dan will be with me. 🙂
Yay! So glad he’s going, too!