I am unable to write today, really. I can’t seem to settle on a topic. I am not discontent. I think I am gliding on the surface, carried by a love that sustains me. There’s been too much stuff going on for the last few days, and there are still days to come of dealing with it. Right now, I cannot say where I am with any of it. Nor do I want to go off on all the possibilities of how any of it could work out.
I have an ex-husband who has completely dissociated from reality. I have a beautiful, young niece who has undergone a radical surgery to rid her body of cancer. These two things weigh heavily on me.
My ex, only because I will have to play a part in settling his affairs. I am irritated this morning at my old neighbor. I asked her for ex’s landlord’s number, so I can make arrangements to get his stuff out of the cottage. (This would be my sister-in-law’s job, but seeing as how she’s dealing with a very sick child, I don’t want to add to her burden.) The neighbor answered me and asked me to call her, but declined to give me the number of the landlord. She wants to gossip about him. I don’t want to talk about him, or his illness. I just want the number. I want to stay focused on what has to be done, and not get caught up in thoughts about what he did to get where he is. But I guess I have to call her. I’m trying not to waste energy getting angry about it.
My niece, who is my god-daughter as well, because I love her. Her struggle breaks my heart. It’s pure and simple.
So, here I am writing about why I can’t write, lol. And I thank God every day for the man who can pick me up and carry me when I lose my way, and set me back down when I find it. To be loved by him is such a blessing.
Love and light to all.