I don’t have much time to write this morning because I have a lot to do to be able to leave my house for a couple weeks. But I have a few things I want to write out, so here I am.
I am doing the new Oprah/Deepak 21 day free meditation called Desire and Destiny. I had a couple days to catch up on so listened to all of them and then meditated. It was kind of cool, because it reminded me that we need to set intentions for everything we do. Whenever you say something, or do something, we have to think about what the intention is that is behind the action. And we have to be honest. In order to be true, we have to listen to our intuition and accept ourselves. I have done a lot of questioning my intentions and listening to my intuition with this trip north.
What is my intention in helping to inventory my ex’s belongings? It is purely self-serving. He owes me money, a lot of it. I want to make sure that I know what is there, and that we can do everything possible to protect it from going to the state to pay for his care. It’s about the money. It sounds cold, but finances are usually hard, cold, and emotionless. I don’t want to be involved in his life. I know that this will be hard, I’ve thought a lot about spending time at the scene of the crime, trying to deal with any triggers that might be there. It is mostly sadness now, that I feel. I just don’t know how his thinking was so skewed when we were together. So screwed up that it now has him delusional in his denial of it.
I thank God every minute for Dan in my life, for his willingness to go with me, for his strong steadfast love that will be there for me to lean on if I need it.
So…the intentions are set. I am pretty good at listening to my intuition. Another part of my intention on going up there is to see the friends who were my surrogate family for the last 20 to 25 years. I’ve contacted everyone I want to make sure I see, and I know I will see others. And another part is to be able to include Dan in my life up there. It was a life I loved, and to share it with him is a blessing.
The trip will be hard, it will also be wonderful. I’m staying with one of my closest friends, the one who drove to Florida with me. And she’s having my other closest friend and her husband over for dinner the night we get there. Dan will fit right into that circle.
My blogging will be sporadic over the next couple weeks, I am sure. But since this is how I deal with things in my life, I’m sure I’ll be around. Love and light to all.