My blog for a long time has been used as a journal of my life. Many snapshots in time of my perception of a situation at that moment. Often on my stats page, I see that old blogs have been read, and I sometimes cringe. I assume most of them were suggestions from WP at the end of a blog, mine or someone else’s, which WP thought related to a particular blog.

Cringe, yes. Because so many of my old blogs were my perception, which was often based on lies told to me, and even more on my desire to believe things were different than they were then. I can look back at them now and wonder how I could have been so naive, so stupid, how I could have so misplaced my trust, etc., etc., yada yada yada.

There are a few that every time I see that someone has read one of those…THOSE, I want to delete it. Because it was so far from the truth of the matter, I’m embarrassed about it. Really.

I have talked to Dan about it. Should I delete some of them, the really ridiculous ones. He tells me no. They were where I was at the time. I get that, that’s why they are still there. They are my story, however flawed my thinking was at the time. They don’t represent who I am now, or how I think, or how far I’ve come from the place I was at when I wrote them.

But I still have this embarrassment about them. I hate for someone to read one of them and think I am telling a true story, that what I said was really what was happening. I hate for someone to see how absolutely stupid and naive I was. How unenlightened, and how erroneous my thinking was.

My question now is, should I get rid of them, at least the ones that are blatantly ridiculous? Since distance has given me a clarity, and I see things as they were? Since I now know how much complete bullshit (is there a better word for it?) is woven into them?

Or should I let my story continue to unfold, and take my lumps? Lumps being embarrassment and naivete? Not to mention there are things I wrote about that I’ve forgotten, which I’ve gotten so past that I never think about them any longer, or the people involved, and would like to just not be reminded of those things, those time of my life, when I see them on my stats page, having been read.

Not trying to erase the past, or change it. I just want the past to stay in the past, especially now.

Love and light.