We slept with the windows open last night. We’ve done that a lot since the temps have fallen below 70° at night. With the ceiling fan on it’s lovely.
There’s something about being able to sleep with the windows open. The fresh air, the sounds in the distance, curtains ruffling in the breeze. What’s weird for me is that until Dan was with me, I never left the windows open at night, and didn’t open them much during the day. I guess I just felt too vulnerable in a new place. It kind of felt like leaving the door unlocked and/or open all night. Now, I am safe. All the time.
Which leads me to think about feeling safe. Not just physically but emotionally. Dan is the kind of guy who puts his boots next to the bed, and when I ask why, he says, “So if someone breaks in here they will know there’s a man around.” It took me awhile to accept that, I am so damn independent, but the reality is, a man with a big foot is much more of a deterrent than a woman alone. Though, it’s not my nature to worry about such things, so it really just makes me laugh, but also makes me realize how he wants to protect me.
After being with men whose goal in our relationship was to mindfuck me, to create chaos, all to keep my head wrapped around them, keeping me off-balance and insecure, it’s so refreshing and endearing. Dan is considerate, kind, thoughtful, and not afraid to be vulnerable. He listens when I talk, and pays attention to what I say. All of which contribute to my feeling safe with him. I can trust him.
It seems to me that feeling safe with someone is the epitome of allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. The ability to make yourself vulnerable can be so scary. It’s nice to be with someone who works at making sure you are not afraid. Someone who fills up the marble jar, and doesn’t dump it over. (See Brene Brown’s talk “The Anatomy of Trust.) I hope I do the same for him. Because in the end, while allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be terrifying, it is also the birthplace of love and belonging and creativity and all the good things we can feel. To be able to feel vulnerable with someone, yet safe, is a huge part of a loving relationship.
Love and light everyone.