I met my son’s girlfriend, (who I will call GF) and her 5 year old daughter, (who I will call GFD) on FaceTime last night. My son met Dan. GF is very attractive, and exotic (half Spanish, half Okinawan ethnicities). She seems to be articulate, and smart, though a little naive and self-absorbed, as is appropriate for someone her age. Video phone calls are an awesome thing when your kid lives 2000 miles away.
GF is at the beginning of a custody battle with her ex, who has decided after 3 years of no-show in GFD’s life that he would like visitation, and since his no-shows invalidated the previous agreement, and since she now lives in CO, not CA, that the custody has to be rewritten. As is normal, GF is scared for her daughter and looking for advice to get through this. She hasn’t got money for an atty, though I think at some point she may need one. She needs a mediator. I gave her some suggestions, as did Dan, and just tried to calm her about the whole experience.
I hope I helped. My son tends to take on her issues as his own, and has unwittingly (at least I believe it is unwitting) taken on responsibility for this family that he’s not really prepared for, but will do his best for. Scares me, a lot. For him. He gets very stressed about the financial responsibility, even though I keep telling him it’s not his problem really. He can help, but he should in no way feel obligated. I don’t think he can help himself.
Anyway, I’m glad to have a dialog with her, and the beginning of a relationship because I wanted to know what kind of person she is. Now when my son talks about her, I have a little more to go on, in trying to figure out how best to help him.
Kids….I realized long ago that being a parent is not a job that ever fades away, at least not yet. He’s 25, and I still need to help him sort through a lot of things. I’m so grateful for the close, honest relationship we have.
Love and light to all.