Question of the Day
What is the biggest lie you tell yourself?
Don’t we all do this? Like, make up stories in our head to justify actions we may not be so proud of? Like, let old fears become habits? Like, believe something about someone about which we have no way of knowing the truth? Or about ourselves?
Today, for me it was an old fear, which my ego started telling me may happen again. Dan and I were at my older sisters, celebrating my birthday and the visit of my younger sister. Dan wasn’t planning to stay for the whole rest of the week long visit of my sister. He came to celebrate my birthday and stayed a day, but then felt it best to get home and check on his 91 year old mother. It’s possible he was tiring of listening to 3 sisters and all the girl talk. At any rate, it was me who told him before we came that he did not need to stay the whole time, so it was not a surprise to me.
However, today when he got ready to go, I found myself feeling unsure. How did I know he didn’t want to get away from ME? How did I know he wasn’t rethinking our relationship? A million irrational questions rolled through my mind before I could silence them, by taking a deep breath, and remembering, and acknowledging all he does for me, and how he often shows me he loves me. I knew better than to listen to those monkeys in my head, but for a nano-second they found a pulpit
They came because I was so USED to having my world turned upside down when everything was good. It’s a learned behavior, and one that lay buried until I really cared about someone. Suddenly, I got separation anxiety like some young child, and feared losing him. It is a learned, habitual response which I will endeavor to stop since I now can see it so well.
Like I said, he only makes me think he cares. He is only good to me, even when I’m not so good to him. As he was leaving and I was joking about him going, he started sing “You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am…” which is just another example of how he reads me, and responds in such a way that I know all is ok with us.
Now, of course that’s not my greatest fear, but it was a huge lie my ego mind was telling me…and which luckily I was able to shut down, and then realize what happened and why. I was going to ask what is your greatest fear, but hell, we probably all have the same one, something happening to a loved one. I decided to ask instead, what is the greatest lie we tell ourselves, or at least are currently telling ourselves. Because mine changes almost every day, I think.
Please share your thoughts in the comments. I’m looking forward to reading the comments.
Hmmm…quite the question. Maybe … that some people consider me a poet … but that I don’t myself! I have ZERO training with writing in any shape other than Grade 12! So every knock on the door, is the WordPress police, coming to round me up and make me take Grade 12 English again! So, a little self-conscious and lacking self-esteem about writing! LOL! Even funnier – my daughter is the one with the English degree! LLOOLL!
Just gonna day… you ARE a poet!!! Most assuredly. You write poetry so what else could you be? A haiku-ist? Lol! It runs in the family I guess! We know where she got it!!
Your honesty is really helpful. I do that, too in my relationship – just for a nanosecond the monkeys take the pulpit. (I love how you expressed that.) So, there’s a common thread here about confidence, or lack thereof. I was afraid to share that the Chicken Soup people selected my story because I thought, what if they made a mistake?! Or what if I just dreamed it? So I printed out the email and posted it on my bulletin board. I guess the lie is that I’m not good enough. I don’t tell myself that in those words, but the fear underlies my crazy thoughts. I don’t believe it most of the time, but every now and then, it sneaks in and I have to talk myself back to rational thinking.
You and I are seriously so much alike! I didn’t know that Chicken Soup had selected your story! That’s so awesome!
Thanks! I think I mentioned it at the bottom of a post. Didn’t remember who saw it. More to come! And maybe we’re not abnormally crazy. 🙂