Question of the day
To trust or not to trust?
Do you tend to trust upon meeting someone, until they prove themselves untrustworthy, or do you hold off on giving your trust to them, until they prove they deserve it?
I have always, and often to my detriment, been a trusting soul. I have always trusted people until I was given a reason not to. This will probably not change with me. For me, it goes to the issue of being able to be vulnerable, and risk the hurt that can come if someone betrays that trust. Because if you aren’t willing to risk that, then you are also risking the chance at some real joy. The ying and the yang, they cannot be separated.
However, I have a friend who generally chooses not to trust anyone until they’ve proven they can be trusted. I’m sure that choice saves one from some of the pain that comes from trusting the wrong person. I get it, and sometimes I wish I could pull back a little on my nature. Sometimes the pain is great, and certainly not worth the risk.
In writing this, I realize that I do hold back at times. I think most of us do, because we’re not sure of people’s reactions. For instance, I hold back the fact that my abusive ex is now in a mental health facility, because I’m not sure anyone could understand that, or me, until they know me better through other facets of my life.
Indeed, it is a judgment call, isn’t it, when narrowed down to an individual basis. But I guess the question I’m asking is what is your typical, normal response in meeting someone new?
So the question today is, which are you? Do you tend to trust people, and their words and actions, until they break the trust? Or do you hold off on trusting them, until they prove they can be trusted? I’d love to know how other people feel about this, and am looking forward to your comments.
As ever, love and light to all.
By default, I’m a bit guarded. It takes me quite a while to trust someone. Only when I feel they can be trusted do I feel confident in trusting them.
Great question, Deb!
Smart woman. I’m learning…
This is a question I often ask my followers on social media.
Personally I believe you should trust with your eyes open, not blindly. When someone has to prove themselves to you, the question is why? Did they do something to defy your trust? Typically this comes from historical “Trust violations” and we imprint this on the new person. Now they have to deal with the idea of…”you need to show me you can be trusted.”
I will give you my trust, until you show me you can’t be trusted. Show me who you are… I’m not going to make things harder for my date, or relationship by imposing mistrust on you before you have even done anything to violate.
It seems little Kevin should be a gradual process though. You share small pieces of yourself, more and more as the trust builds. Like Brene Brown describes it “filling up the marble jar.”
Thank you much for your thoughtful comments. For better or worse, I give my trust a little too easily, I think. But I’m still a work in progress, you know? 😊
Trust should be easy to give. Our previous experiences with those that can’t be trusted make it hard.
I wish I could edit comments, lol. That first part should have said it seems a little like. Should never type on my phone when I’m going to bed! Thanks again.
From my experience, you can only be disappointed at best and hurt at worst by trusting. So trust or not based on your tolerance for betrayal.
People are what they profess to be, as long as you agree with them or they are in their happy place.
I feel sorry for you, not to feel you can trust anyone. Sometimes people make mistakes, and use flawed judgment, but with no ill intent. If they can own that that’s what they did, I have no trouble continuing to trust them. Everyone is human, and to not be able to recognize their weaknesses would set me up for a lonely life, I think. If their weakness is to constantly betray, then of course I’d never trust them. If they did it once, and owned it, the fact that they could own it would be enough for me to let it go.
My natural tendency has been to trust easily, sometimes too easily to the point of being gullible. So over the years, I have become less trusting, but it takes a conscious effort. After allowing myself to trust too much in post divorce rebounds, a coworker offered to do a background check on my returning high school sweetheart. I even told him I was doing it because I was keeping a promise to myself. Without hesitation, he asked how he could help. Gave me his SS#. That was a good sign. My coworker/investigator gave a good report with the recommendation to “go for launch.” Worked out fine as you know.
You and I are so much alike. I trust my intuition maybe too much, and tend to explain away stuff I don’t like. I’ve been called Pollyanna. I’m learning though to let someone fill the marble jar, without dumping it over. I’m so happy for you to have made such a good life for yourself.
I’m going to remember that marble jar.
I am instinctive by nature & have a good sixth sense luckily or a clever 3rd eye as some say. I therefore like or dislike a person. Rarely wrong on that. As for the majority they are considered birds of passage. Happy to meet them as & when but never invest in the relationship.