Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or Palmetto Bug Rampage

Last night I survived the invasion of the body snatchers. For real. At least in my slightly demented mind, I was in serious danger. Creepy aliens invading my house.

We were watching TV. I saw something crawling down my door. I thought it was a gecko. They are plentiful here. You cannot walk outside without seeing many of them. I told Dan, “Look! A gecko is on the door!” Now geckos don’t scare anyone. They are cute, eat bugs and everyone gets them in the house every once in a while. But Dan, whose eyes are slightly better than mine at a distance, said “NO! It’s a palmetto bug.”

I think my eyes were like saucers. Because this thing was big, maybe 3” long. The biggest I have seen here, in my house. And they give me the total creeps. A 3” cockroach…..He got up and began looking for it. We saw it run out from under my couch (HOW THE HELL DID IT GET FROM THE DOOR TO THE COUCH? In seconds?) Then we saw it run across the floor. Finally, Dan managed to find it and somehow got it shooed out the door, and slammed the door shut. When he sat down we were both rather shaken, lol, and felt like there had been more than one because this creepy alien kept running around. We settled back in to watch TV.

Or so we thought. Another large, though not THAT large, ran out from under the couch, across Dan’s foot. I ran to the utility closet and got out my spray can of roach killer. Because after all, palmettos are just a giant cockroach. Dan found it hiking up the bathroom door, and began to spray. Like, trying to drown him. I guess he succeeded, because it slowed down and then stopped, and Dan picked him up in a paper towel and disposed of him. I did not even ask him how, because I didn’t want to know that he squished it in the paper. I myself am loathe to pick up even a totally dead one, with a paper towel.

So now the score is humans 2, palmettos 0. We sat again, to watch TV. And again, I saw one running down the front door. Dan grabbed the can, which was down to just a few squirts left, chased him into the bathroom, and sprayed what was left onto this ugly ginormous bug, which can fly (!!!). This one began to die his slow death, and Dan put him out of his misery too. UGH. UUGGHH!!!

Humans 3, aliens 0.

We actually saw 3 more of these what appear to be man-eating creatures, but they were running so fast to hide under the furniture, and the fact is we were out of spray now, that we just silently prayed that they wouldn’t find their way into the bedroom as we slept. We made a note to get to the hardware store first thing in the morning for more spray.

Luckily, we were both exhausted because Dan’s daughter and two grandsons (ages 7 and 9) came in from Denver yesterday and we were so busy all day with them, that we fell asleep easily. Well, easily after we came to the conclusion that there was no place open at 11 pm where we could run out and get another can of roach killer.

So we managed to get a good night’s sleep. When we woke up and started moving around, we found the other 3 monster cockroaches dead on the floor. One in the bedroom, one in the living room, one in the bathroom. I’m taking a guess that the bug spray on the floor killed them as they ran through it. Dan picked up one and opened the front door to throw it outside, and there, stuck in the door jam, was the first one, the one Dan managed to chase out the front door, the fucking monster creepy crawly man-eating bug thing, his head squished in the jam and his big crunchy body sticking out into the doorway.

AAAACCCCHHHHH!!!!!!

But, humans 6, roaches 0.

And now we have another can of cockroach spray. We are ready. We haven’t seen one since. Thank God.

My apologies to anyone who thinks I am cruel, or Dan. Especially those who don’t live with these creepy things on a daily basis. Just for the record, they usually don’t travel in packs. Usually you get one maybe every couple months, and they are usually on their back, legs up in the air, when you find them. NOT f-ing racing around your living room like they are on speed. Actually, they are like a cockroach on steroids on speed.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you about the damn grasshoppers that are eating all my plants. No? Enough about bugs for the time being. Just know that the tropics breed HUGE bugs. HUGE. Here is a picture, in case you don’t understand the level of creepy-ness these creatures have.

Giant-palmetto-bug-300x214

Love and light to everyone, except the damn palmettos.

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8 responses to “Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or Palmetto Bug Rampage

  1. 😂😂😂😂 They are so prehistoric and fascinating! BUT i remember having to live with the regular ones on chicago since theyve been living in every building there for hundreds of years. It took me almost a decade for my Roach Reflex to go away once I moved to Michigan! Looool 😝😝😝

      • I got a box of Band Aids out of my medicine cabinet one day, opened it and there was a roach sitting on top of the strips. I threw it up in the air and they flew everywhere like a bad comedy routine. Those big ones though…just like tarantulas, Im way less scared of than smaller ones because they cant be as sneaky! My example is always, if i open the towel closet and a tarantula is in there…Im going to see him. Not be surprised! I would imagine with palmetto bugs the “betcha didn’t know i was in there” shock is a little less at least! 😂😂😂

  2. I’ve only seen one so far this year. Hoping the renovations on our house have plugged up a lot of their entry ways, but we’ll see. I love animals, but palmetto bugs in the house bring out the fight and/or flight response in me.

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