I think Dan is coming over here to talk today, although he has not confirmed or given me a time. I have no expectations. Since I told him my door was open if he could ever talk to me about the things that separate us, I feel like I should allow this. So, we’ll see what happens.
For the most part, I have found myself happier alone. I have periods where I miss him, but more where I am relieved that I can once again focus on the things important to me, without his judgment or demands. Like writing.
He has started coming out to the music venues where our friends play, and congregate. While I am very happy he’s not withdrawing into himself, which I was truly afraid of, it is uncomfortable for me, because I’m so angry that he treated our relationship so badly, and walked out on it rather than talk to me. So when I see him, I can barely look at him, for the pain and anger I feel. He can act….and pretend. I cannot. I will not. What you see is what you get. He wants to come to a dinner theater that my BFF here is starring in this Sunday. It’s bad enough when he’s sitting at a distance from me at another table. Having dinner with him (and a dozen at least other people) is not something I am looking forward to. He’s always at the center of things, because he’s funny, and quick, and loud. Thank God my high school girlfriend will be here to distract me, as well as other of my good friends. At the moment I just wish he wasn’t.
Anyway these are reasons we need to put this relationship on solid footing, either walking away, or walking together, but not standing still looking at each other, wondering what’s going on.
Well we will see what comes of talking today. If, in fact, it happens. Or if anything at all comes from it. It will be what it will be. I do know, for sure, that everything will be fine, in the end.
Love and light.