Filling My Days

Ahhhh, up before dawn again. But it’s ok today, I slept well last night, for 7 ½ hours. I am good to go. And, I have a lot to do today, so that’s a good thing.

I’m trying to find a used highback booster seat for my son’s girlfriend’s daughter, who I will just call his step-daughter. I went to see one yesterday but it was for up to 40 lbs, and she’s 50. She legally doesn’t need one here in FL, but my son said her mother is the car seat nazi, so she does. I think I’ve found one though. Going this morning to look at it. New ones are expensive and I am not gonna spend $60 on a car seat that will be used for a week. Without the high back they are about $20. But this used one I found on FB market, for $20. So I’ll take it. If he doesn’t sell it before I get there.

Yesterday my hot water heater pilot light went out twice. Luckily, the last time it did this, I watched the guy re-light it and wrote the instructions in my phone. So, while I called Duke Energy who I pay $5 a month for insurance for the hot water heater, I got it started both times by myself. And it’s still going this morning. But I asked to have someone come look at it anyway because I don’t want it going out when I have company.

I’ve also been working on the sound healing reconfiguration, and I was able to get to a run-through yesterday. Today my friend who plays the Tibetan bowls at the sound healing is coming over and we will go through it together to see how we do. I’m feeling pretty confident that I can perform it by myself though, with minimal help from my friend. That’s a good thing. She loves doing it, but has trouble with the length of time, an hour, sitting.

I spent the afternoon on my deck. It was a wonderful FL day, 80°, sunny, a little tropical. I went out to read, and did some reading, but then the phone, lol. Besides friends FB messaging me, texts, messages from the guy with the car seat, I had a long convo with my sister who just came back from a 5-day cruise. It was the first I’d talked to her about the break-up. I was concerned that her hubby would be sad, because he got along with Dan and seemed to like him, but really, all is well. He is good with it, probably mostly because I am. But whatever.

It’s difficult when you break up with someone who has been in your life every day, every minute for a long time. People don’t know how to treat you when you’re in the same place separately, because we have the same friends. Dan said something to me about so-and-so was “your friend first.” What does that have to do with anything? They are friends, they will stay friends unless they don’t, but I won’t be involved. I mean, seriously, every friend he has here is someone he met through me. He brought nothing in the way of people to that relationship. I am glad though that he does have friends because isolation doesn’t lead to a good place. Last I heard he’s still going to the play/dinner theater this weekend that my BFF down here is in. I am fine with it, as long as I don’t have to sit at his table, and since the tables are 8 people, and we have about 15, we will have 2 tables. He can sit at one, I’ll sit at the other with my high school girlfriend who’s visiting and my friends here.

Then the next day, Monday, 2 more girls from high school are coming, and apparently want to have a “slumber party” at my house. It will be fun, but exhausting. We did this once before, and my one bathroom with 4 people staying in it will be a challenge. I think they’ll be leaving the next day to go to one of their sister’s place a couple hours from here. They are making the rounds. I think I’ll put a firelog in the firepit if it’s nice enough to sit outside.

I am moving along nicely. I miss him a little less each day, and also am a little less angry with him, and more feeling sorry for him. I know why he can’t give of himself. But knowing doesn’t excuse it. If I am ever going to have someone in my life again, which at this point I’m thinking not, they will be able to communicate with me, hear me, acknowledge me, and not argue with me.  I can do that I think. I like to have intimate conversations about who a person is. I’m sick of dealing with someone else’s defensive posture when all I want is to be heard. I’m pretty positive that no one will ever live with me again. I am not inclined to deal with someone else and all their idiosyncracies full time.  I need my space.  Alone but not lonely.

Whatever. It is what it is. I’m going for my 2nd cup of coffee, and watch the sunrise, which it will be doing in about 20 min. Love and light to all.

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